IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think cheap air travel should be encouraged because it gives ordinary people freedom to travel further. However others think this leads to environmental problems, so air travel should be more expensive in order to discourage people from travelling by air. Discuss both sides an give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that
air
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trips
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 with low prices ought to be stimulated, as
this
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 step creates passion in
people
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's minds to
travel
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 a lot. There is another society that has different opinions and assumes that these journeys cause ecological issues,
therefore
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 flight
travel
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 should be less affordable to reduce
people
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's
air
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travel
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 demand. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both of these thoughts and share my opinion on
this
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 situation. On one hand, budget-friendly aviation
travel
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 may be stimulated to increase the number of
people
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 who want to trip by
air
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. In
this
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 world transportation is a significant factor for humans' welfare. Conditions of travelling are
also
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 very important to encourage
people
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 to
travel
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further
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. If flights by
air
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 transportation
such
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 as planes, helicopters, and jets are more inexpensive,
then
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 we can definitely notice a lot of skyway
travel
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.
For example
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,
air
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trips
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 in Australia increased by 57% because of the ticket prices being reduced by half.
On the other hand
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, flights are a reason for eco-related concerns
although
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 these travels are more effective for our relaxing. Passengers are happy about
air
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 journeys, but these travels
also
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 impact our environment negatively because of their dirty smoke. there is not any effective technology which can prevent polluted
air
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 yet, so decreasing the number of
air
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 transports may be effective for our nature.
For instance
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, Argentina was suffering
due to
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 an unclean atmosphere,
therefore
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this
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 country arranged some restrictions like price increases. From my perspective, both sides have meaningful reasons for themselves. Skyway
trips
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 are effective in terms of time, and comfort with low prices they
also
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 have harmful effects on our environment, so costly
trips
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 are suitable for diminishing them. Ideally,
people
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 may use flights without using them regularly. In conclusion, journeys in the sky have negative and positive effects on different areas. The key factor is using them balanced to not cause any important problems.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there are no grammatical errors that could distract from the overall message, such as capitalization issues and run-on sentences.
task achievement
When discussing examples, ensure they are relevant and clearly linked to the points you are making.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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