IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many animal species are becoming extinct. Some believe countries and individuals must solve this problem, others think that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is considered that many kinds are endangered.
Although
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 some people think that mankind and authorities should solve
this
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 issue, others believe that humans are of paramount importance. I completely believe that society and the governments must make a huge effort to preserve endangered
species
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will delve into
this
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 issue. At the outset, one of the main reasons against my argument is that humans can significantly benefit from the money
instead
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 of wasting it on
animals
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. Nowadays, individuals are facing many hardships, so they need that fund to encounter any difficulty.
This
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 will result in better life prospects for many citizens. To give an illustration, in 2006, the UK spent 30 million pounds on preserving animal
species
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while
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 over than 500 thousand citizens are living in poverty. In my opinion, preserving endangered animal
species
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 can enhance the ecosystem. The environment is severely affected
due to
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 increased carbon footprint, and ensuring
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 ecosystem is important. One of the major ways to save the environment is to preserve its inhabitants , including animal
species
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 that are becoming extinct.
This
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 will significantly benefit the ecosystem
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while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 neglecting
this
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 problem is going to have a detrimental effect on mankind.
For example
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, German authorities launched a successful campaign to provide shelter for many endangered
animals
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, which allowed life to flourish again in the forests.
To conclude
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, even though some people think that saving
animals
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 that are becoming extinct is not a priority, others believe that we must provide protection to those
animals
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. I concur that human beings and officials must preserve endangered animal
species
Use synonyms
.

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improvement
Give both sides more equal weight. Show a real counter view and argue with it.
language
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Check words like over than -> more than, poverty, environment, etc.
structure
Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph and keep ideas in a simple flow.
strength
The writer states a clear view and sticks to it in the end.
strength
Some good examples are used to show points.
strength
There is attempt to link cause and effect (money affects lives, env help)
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