IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think watching television is bad for children in every way other belive it is good for devolping children as they grow up discuss both views and give your own opinion

It has been argued that watching
television
Use synonyms
 is bad for young ones in every way,
while
Linking Words
 others
counter argue
Use the right word
counterargue
show examples
 that it is good for
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
. The essay will discuss both views and
weigh-in
Use the right word
weigh in
show examples
 on which view is better. To
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
begin with,
children
Use synonyms
 are given access to
television
Use synonyms
 at a very young age as a way to pass
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 and entertain
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, whilst adults do other things. In the current modern
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 parents find themselves to be busy with work
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, many babies develop
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention span syndrome, caused by
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much access to
television
Use synonyms
 watching of
cartoons
Punctuation problem
cartoons,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a
childs
Check wording
child's
show examples
 brain to
repoduce
Correct your spelling
reproduce
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much
dopemin
Correct your spelling
dopamine
. An example of
such
Linking Words
 common cartoons would include
cocomelon
Use the right word
CoComelon
show examples
.
These
Fix the agreement mistake
This
show examples
 type of
cartoons
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoon
show examples
 negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 many kids on their attention to detail and ability to focus on one thing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
television
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 that help in
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
programs
Use synonyms
 on education teach about numbers, about using words,
repeating
Correct word choice
and repeating
show examples
 words that help in speech
development
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
television
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 teach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
motor skills
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 help kids to hold things in the house. They
also
Linking Words
 help
children
Use synonyms
 to sing, which helps in the
childs
Check wording
child's
show examples
 brain
development
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that when
under
Verb problem
viewed under
show examples
 a controlled
view
Check wording
environment
show examples
, watching
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 would assist parents in the
development
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
. Research has shown that mentorship of parents plus use of
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
television
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 will greatly benefit
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 brain
development
Use synonyms
 and adaptation
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make your view clear in a short line at the end.
task
Add more real and simple examples to back each idea.
coherence
Use simple links to show how ideas go from one to the next.
language
Fix spelling and mind long, hard words.
structure
Have a small intro that shows the topic and plan, and a short con that restates your view.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives a view.
structure
There is a clear end with a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: