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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
competition
Use synonyms
 at work, in school, and in daily life is an effective way to achieve success. Others believe that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than rivalry.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives, and I agree with the view that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is a better approach for long-term growth and achievement. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 is beneficial in education, employment, and everyday activities. The main reason is that it motivates individuals to work harder and push themselves towards excellence.
For example
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, in schools, when one student consistently achieves high marks,
this
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 can inspire classmates to study harder in order to match or surpass those results.
Competition
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 can
also
Linking Words
 be powerful in the workplace. Employees often strive for promotions or recognition, and
this
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 sense of rivalry can improve productivity and performance. In
this
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 way,
competition
Use synonyms
 acts as a driving force that encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to reach their goals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is more effective than
competition
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because working together allows
people
Use synonyms
 to share knowledge, combine strengths, and solve problems more efficiently.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the workplace, employees who collaborate as a team can complete projects faster and with higher quality than individuals working in isolation.
Likewise
Linking Words
, in schools, students can understand complex ideas more easily when they participate in group activities and peer learning, rather than studying alone.
Moreover
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,
cooperation
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 builds strong relationships and reduces unnecessary stress. If
people
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 learn to collaborate, they are more likely to achieve sustainable success both professionally and personally.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 at work, in schools, and in daily life can motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve success.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I believe that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is a more effective approach for long-term growth and achievement.

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task response
Explain more on why cooperation helps in the long run and not only in the short term.
task response
Give more clear and real examples for each point.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use short, direct linking words and keep sentences simple.
language
Check grammar and try to keep sentences from being too long.
strength
Clear view is stated in the intro and kept through the essay.
strength
Good use of play of between sides and contrast.
strength
Reasoning flows well from one idea to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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