IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the spending by 18-20-year-olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014.

The chart below shows the spending by 18-20-year-olds in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014.
The chart shows how much 18-20-year-old people in one country spent on five products in 2010 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were mixed trends in the spending by these people
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it increased for two products
while
Linking Words
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 for one and remained consistent for the other two.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they spent more money on one type of product than the others in both years. In more detail, these young people spent the most on food, and in 2014 their spending increased to nearly 45
million
Use synonyms
 dollars – the largest amount of money across all categories. In comparison, the amount of money they spent on clothes, smartphones and toiletries each was around
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of that on food.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the spending on smartphones increased at the same rate as
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food, exceeding 25
million
Use synonyms
 in 2014. Meanwhile, it remained the same for clothes, at 25
million
Use synonyms
, and hovered around 20
million
Use synonyms
 for toiletries. Only on books did these
youngster’s
Check wording
youngsters’
show examples
 spending decrease. It fell sharply by a half, to 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2014
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 books remained the lowest category in both surveyed years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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