IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you think the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages?

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There may be divergent views regarding whether the benefits of online shopping outweigh the drawbacks.
While
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 some people think it has potential disadvantages, I am convinced by the view that online shopping is advantageous to
customers
Use synonyms
 and society.   There are several reasons why online shopping is disadvantageous.
Firstly
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, it lacks the opportunity for physical inspection.
Customers
Use synonyms
 cannot physically see, touch, and try on
products
Use synonyms
 before purchasing.
This
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 may lead to dissatisfaction with the product's quality and fit upon arrival.
Secondly
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, it is difficult to return and refund online shopping. Returning items can be an inconvenience and costly. Some retailers have complex return policies that
customers
Use synonyms
 need to follow, making the process frustrating and time-consuming.
For example
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, if a buyer wants to return the goods, it is generally required to contact the courier company to collect the parcel in person, and it may need to pay an additional postage fee.  
On the other hand
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, some individuals argue that online shopping has various advantages. It offers flexibility for buyers to access
products
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 at their local location. Online platforms provide a range of goods at any time and from divergent locations, making it simpler for individuals with busy schedules.
For example
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, a full-time student may not have extra time to do offline shopping, and an online retailer can meet students’ demand for
products
Use synonyms
 during their leisure time.
Moreover
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, online shopping can promote economic development. It allows businesses,
such
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 as small-sized companies, to reach a global audience without the need for physical
presences
Fix the agreement mistake
presence
show examples
. The rise of online sales has
also
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 led to the creation of jobs
such
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 as IT support, delivery services, and digital marketing.
Thus
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, I strongly believe that the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages.   In conclusion,
although
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 some people are concerned that online sales might result in inconvenience for
customers
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, I am of the opinion that individuals are inclined to have a flexible platform to access
products
Use synonyms
 worldwide.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, make sure to address all aspects of the prompt more thoroughly. You could discuss in greater detail the disadvantages and advantages, perhaps offering more balanced perspectives or additional examples.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more explicit signposting phrases and connecting words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas, although your structure is already quite commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs addressing the disadvantages and advantages of online shopping.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main argument effectively.
task achievement
Your points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of a full-time student and small-sized companies.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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