IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that, to be successful in their professional career, it's important to take
risks
Use synonyms
 as it is associated with return.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it can bring
setbacks
Use synonyms
 or losses,
still I
Correct word order
I still
show examples
 believe the advantages of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 exceed the disadvantages. After graduation from
university
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to work in a reputed
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
, rather than start a new venture
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own. Doing 9
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5 jobs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 brings stable income
at the end
Linking Words
 of each month without any
risks
Use synonyms
. But the growth will be minimal for most of the person
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
doing
Verb problem
are doing
show examples
 regular jobs.
In contrast
Linking Words
, if someone
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
risks
Use synonyms
 and
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 a new
business
Use synonyms
, the growth of the
business
Use synonyms
 and income will be high. As
risks
Use synonyms
 are associated with return, the more someone
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
risks
Use synonyms
, the more return someone can expect.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are possibilities of
setbacks
Use synonyms
 and incurring huge losses, which could take away the capital
that is
Linking Words
 invested in a
business
Use synonyms
.
May be
Use the right word
Maybe
show examples
 a businessman
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 his venture by using his own savings or
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 loans from banks, so losing the capital will be
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
Use synonyms
setbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
setback
show examples
 for his life
as well as
Linking Words
 their personal life. Despite the possibility of
setbacks
Use synonyms
, there are lots of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who start their own
business
Use synonyms
 and change the world. There are
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
dropout
Use the right word
drop out
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 and start their unique
business
Use synonyms
 and succeed,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 Mark
Zukerberg
Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
, who is a
university
Use synonyms
 dropout and developed apps for the communication of students within the
university
Use synonyms
.
Later
Punctuation problem
Later,
show examples
 it
Verb problem
was popularized
show examples
popularized
Change the spelling
popularised
show examples
, and he
keeps
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 adding new and new features, which turned out to be the most successful social platform in the world, Facebook, which
generating
Wrong verb form
generates
show examples
 billions of revenue every year and
used
Verb problem
is used
show examples
 by billions of
people
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 around the globe.
Although
Linking Words
 there are possibilities of
setbacks
Use synonyms
 and recurring huge losses because of
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 a new venture
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his own
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the profit, employment and the positive social impact it can
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 outweigh the disadvantages if it is carefully and planfully implemented.

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strength
The writer shows a clear view on risk and reward.
strength
The use of an example (a famous person) supports the point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: