IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly pepole. To what extent do the advantage of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantage?

It has been said that
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 lifespan has increased dramatically over the past century.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that they cause issues for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, others argue that they are beneficial. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has pros and cons, but
this
Linking Words
 essay will contend that on balance, the advantages of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 people outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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. On the one hand, some people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that elderly individuals can contribute
others
Change preposition
to others
show examples
 by giving valuable
advices
Correct your spelling
advice
 about work,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
, and daily problems. To be more precise, they are
eye-opener
Fix the agreement mistake
eye-openers
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, and we can learn many things from their experiences in order to avoid repeating their mistakes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can teach us
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how to build a successful career. If you want
to begin
Linking Words
 a way, they provide you with support and guidance.
For example
Linking Words
, a retired engineer might volunteer to mentor students. In terms of emotion, they are down to earth, friendly,
experienced
Correct word choice
and experienced
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, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 you reduce stress.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, increasing the population of senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 has the potential to
rise
Verb problem
increase
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 healthcare and long-term care
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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, and demand for elderly care facilities, which can be costly for the government.
Additionally
Linking Words
, decrease the number of
workforce
Check wording
workers
show examples
, and risk of expanded poverty and social isolation among the elderly, which in
long-term
Correct word choice
the long
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impact
Check wording
term
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads to slower economic growth. In conclusion, in my opinion, the
exist
Replace the word
existence
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 of senior individuals is necessary for every society.
Admittedly
Punctuation problem
Admittedly,
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 has produced some positive outcomes, yet questions remain about its long-term effectiveness.

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grammar
Fix grammar and form. Use 'advice' not 'advices'; use 'advise' for action words.
structure
Each paragraph should state one main idea, then give detail. Add more clear reasons and more examples.
task
Be clear about your view from the first line and keep the view through the essay. Do not switch.
vocabulary
Use simpler word choices and short sentences to show you know easy structures.
style
Check spelling and phrasing; avoid long, hard words and keep simple terms.
structure
The essay shows a two side view with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
There is an example of a retired engineer that makes sense.
scope
The writer gives a sense of balance and ends with a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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