In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extend do you think is a positive trand?

In recent years, there has been a growing interest in shopping.
However
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, some individuals contend that shopping is no doubt that plays a crucial role in a routine domestic task ; previously, unlike recently, it was considered a talent. In my view, I firmly believe that going shopping should be prioritised as an essential sector, like malls and supermarkets. These sectors have a more immediate and meaningful impact on citizens' well-being. Shopping has had positive effects on individuals. To illustrate, several studies indicated that if people go shopping, they will be entertained and reduce the pressure.
Moreover
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,
this
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situation assists in improving the relationship between members, like family and friends. A clear example is a study at the University of Nizwa found that approximately 45% older people in Oman have mental health unlike seniors who stay at home.
Thus
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,
this
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practice contributes significantly to maintaining psychological strength.
In contrast
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, there are drawbacks to shopping that cause numerous financial issues. That means the public who goes to the grocery shop every day will buy every type of fruit.
Hence
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, these goods cost them.
Additionally
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, in Germany, adults have successfully increased their buying of shoes and clothes by more than 60%.
Therefore
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, some individuals need to debit. In conclusion, shopping is an essential way for future life, but make a balance to prevent financial problems.
That is
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why the government should make recommendations and encourage citizens to manage their money. From my perspective, shopping can help build a brighter and more sustainable

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coherence
Make one simple idea in each paragraph and use words that link ideas.
content
Give a clear example for each idea and avoid long or unclear facts.
grammar
Fix wrong words and use simple grammar.
structure
End with a clear and short final sentence that restates your view.
task
Keep to the task and show your view in a clear way.
content
A clear view is stated.
structure
Some parts try to give reason with next idea.
language
There are some good link words.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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