IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

During a recent journey , you sat next to a businessman who owns chain of restaurants. you talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter • remind him when and where you met • tell him what kind of job you are interested in • why you say you would be suitable for the job

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Dear Sir, I am writing a letter to apply to
an
Add a missing verb
be an
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 entrepreneur. 1 month ago I was training in cooking
while
Linking Words
 traveling. There were
also
Linking Words
 those who wanted to improve their skills at the meetings there. At that time I was sitting next to you at one of the tables and we talked with you. You said
this
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 is my biggest restaurant and you said you have other restaurants. Let me remind you that you mentioned that I could work in your restaurant in the profession
that
Correct word choice
where
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 I am improving my skills. Because you invited him there after he was chosen as the best chef.I myself have been interested in cooking all kinds of things since I was young, and I took classes from chefs when I was a teenager. My parents were a bit angry with me because I was interested in cooking
instead
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 of studying. But they were happy because I won competitions by cooking skillfully.
In addition
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, I won the title of the best cook
in
Change preposition
on
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 the trip that took place 1 month ago. One of your restaurants is near my house and I would like you to hire me there. I want to work there as a cook. Because, as you can see, I have a lot of experience in
this
Linking Words
 profession. Yours sincerely, Qobiljonova Kamola

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs focus on individual ideas. For example, your first paragraph should focus solely on when and where you met the businessman. The second paragraph can then focus on the kind of job you are interested in.
task achievement
Include more specific details about your qualifications and experiences to strengthen your case. Mention any specific accolades, certificates, or positions held that demonstrate your suitability.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoothing transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better readability. Using linking words like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'Therefore' can help.
greeting and closing
The letter has a clear greeting and closing, which adds to its formality and appropriateness for the context.
task achievement
You have done well in identifying your numerous experiences and qualifications in the field of cooking, which gives the reader a good understanding of your capabilities.
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