Today, children spend a lot of time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this practice? Give examples and reasons to support your idea.

In recent years, Many
children
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spend a large amount of
time
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watching
television
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.
This
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essay will discuss both views and present my opinion. On the one hand.Many teenagers waste their
time
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by watching
television
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or playing in computer.
This
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is because their parents do not have the responsibility to manage and control their lives.
Also
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, watching
television
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makes
children
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feel happy and excited,which is better than spending their
time
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on something beneficial.
However
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,
this
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can lead to a lazy and unproductive generation.
Such
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as,if they do not focus on studying or spend their
time
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doing something that helps the community ,it may cause massive problems when they grow up.
On the other hand
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,watching
a
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apply
show examples
television
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can be productive for those who can use
this
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by beneficail method.
In addition
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,parents can help their
children
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by create timetable for efficient videos.
For example
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,watching science videos, studying for their schools,and search about new skill
then
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learning how to do it.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
the government can establish learning programmes in the televison to helps chileldren learning new habits.
As a result
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, watching TV is essential for
children
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to enhance their skills and improve their knowledge.
While
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many
children
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are trying to spend their
time
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doing other things ,companies are
also
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trying to attract these
children
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.Because of copmanies can get a large amount of money by advertising on TV, it opens a new gate for employing people in new jobs.
However
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,the environment of companies can be beneficial if they show something that helps
children
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on TV .
Therefore
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,both of them can have something to spend
time
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on . In conclusion, both views play an essential role in society.I believe that if parents can control and manage their
children
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's
time
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can help them to learn new habits.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. You need to say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this idea clear in all parts.
task response
Use ideas that fit the topic only. The part about companies and jobs is not very close to the main question about children watching TV.
task response
Give stronger examples. Your science video example is good, but you need more clear and real support for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear. Start each body part with one main idea, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some words like however, also, although, and because are not used well, so the meaning becomes unclear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one paragraph. The third paragraph adds a new idea that breaks the flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay has a full shape.
task response
You try to show both good and bad sides of watching TV.
task response
You include examples like science videos and learning new skills, which helps support your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • educational value
  • documentary programs
  • diverse cultures
  • innovation
  • sedentary behavior
  • obesity
  • social skills
  • inappropriate content
  • academic performance
  • behavioral issues
  • inspire imagination
  • structured activities
  • negative impact
  • learning benefits
  • violent content
  • exposure
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