Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popular in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
modern world, people view their personal
health
as one of their top priorities in
life
.
Thus
, gyms became more accessible to cope with increasing needs.
However
, there are still many men and women in society chasing a seated lifestyle.
This
causes the public to suffer from a potential
health
crisis in the future. It could be suggested that raising public awareness can help the situation. One of the problems is humans nowadays are more stressed out with
life
, which hinders them from staying healthy.
For example
, many citizens of Singapore choose to enjoy a sumptuous meal after a long day at work and there are a variety of things in
life
that aid the battle against mental tension. Unfortunately,
such
activities take up time, and often enough, exercising on a regular basis is not feasible.
This
leads to
life
-threatening illnesses
such
as obesity and hypertension in later stages of
life
.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
without sufficient time for physical activity, one will face a potential
health
crisis sooner or later. A possible solution to the above issue could be fixed with campaigns planned out by the government.
For instance
, the
Health
Promotion Board(HPB) of Singapore encourages everyone to work out for at least 150 minutes a week.
Moreover
, on weekends, the HPB collaborates with community centres all over the country to bring residents together for fitness-enhancing sessions. These incentives improve the body performance of participants during their free time.
Thus
, with support from an authority,
health
-related risks can be minimised. In conclusion, it is obvious how a laid-back approach to
life
is not beneficial to anyone. Luckily, there are experts out there who provide help to make changes. After analysing the opinions, it is evident that staying healthy is important and people should try their best to push themselves for the better.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. The essay mentions problems and solutions, but these could be expanded upon with more in-depth analysis and a wider range of examples.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details. Aim to explore each point more fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate arguments. The essay provides some examples but could benefit from additional ones that are more detailed and varied to support the points made.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure with well-organized paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively. This includes conjunctions, synonyms, and referencing words.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay. The introduction should clearly state the problem and your stance on solutions, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points without introducing new information.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • contemporary world
  • physical inactivity
  • chronic diseases
  • mental wellbeing
  • healthcare expenditure
  • active transport
  • workplace wellness
  • community engagement
  • public infrastructure
  • preventative measures
  • holistic health
  • exercise regimen
  • nutritional awareness
  • government initiatives
  • public health campaigns
  • screen time
  • lifestyle modification
  • social connectedness
  • educational programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: