IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism has created tension rather than understanding among people from different countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is widely believed that global
tourism
Use synonyms
, which is the largest industry internationally, is creating chaos
instead
Linking Words
 of uniformity among
people
Use synonyms
. Personally, I can neither agree nor disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for a variety of reasons. On the one hand,
tourism
Use synonyms
 does bring individuals from different places in the world together by learning new cultures
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 experience new cuisine. These activities tend to create a mutual understanding between
people
Use synonyms
 that leads to respect and the formation of new relationships.
For instance
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, a report from CBS Sports has stated that the sports festival in Brazil is attracting hundreds of thousands of sport-enthusiast from all around the world to come and enjoy the Brazilian tradition.
Therefore
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, it would only be plausible to say that international
tourism
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 brings
people
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 together.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, global roaming has many downsides, one of which is xenophobia and racism. As natives or even non-natives often have a sense of distinction between them and the tourists, some of
which
Correct pronoun usage
whom
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 are hostile
against
Change preposition
to
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 a certain group of
people
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, lead to many detrimental losses both physically and mentally.
For example
Linking Words
, many Asian tourists in America have reportedly been harassed and harmed by the natives
due to
Linking Words
 their physical appearance.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon continues to rise in many parts of the globe , especially during wartime nowadays.
Therefore
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, to some extent,
tourism
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 is responsible for international tension. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
tourism
Use synonyms
 does bring back many benefits
as well as
Linking Words
 bring
people
Use synonyms
 together, its flaws should not be neglected in order to mitigate the detrimental effects that it comes with.

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task response
Make your main view more clear. You say you can neither agree nor disagree, but later your ideas do not fully explain this middle view.
task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show how much you agree or disagree in a clear way.
task response
Use examples that are more fit for the topic. The Brazil sports example is not very strong for international tourism and understanding.
task response
Build each main point with a clear reason, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. For example, some ideas jump too fast from tourism to racism without enough step-by-step explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few parts are not complete sentences or do not join well with the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear focus in each paragraph. This will help your ideas feel more ordered and easy to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, so the reader can see two views.
task response
You include examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, for instance, and therefore.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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