IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that instead of seeing the internet as a way of opening up new possibilities worldwide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that the
internet
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 has transformed the way
people
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 communicate and interact.
While
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 some
individuals
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 view it as a tool that creates global
opportunities
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, others are concerned about its negative impact on social interaction.
Although
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 some may agree with
this
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 view, I partly support it
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. One of the most apparent reasons for concern is that excessive use of the
internet
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 may reduce face-to-face
communication
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. To illustrate,
individuals
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 who spend long hours online may have fewer
opportunities
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 to develop real-life social skills.
For instance
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,
people
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 may prefer messaging or social media interactions
instead
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 of engaging in direct conversations, which can weaken personal relationships.
In addition
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, overreliance on digital
communication
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 may lead to feelings of isolation or loneliness, particularly among young
people
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. Another point that should not be overlooked is that the
internet
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also
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 creates valuable
opportunities
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 for
communication
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 and connection. To clarify, it allows
people
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 to maintain relationships across long distances and interact with
individuals
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 from different cultures.
For example
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, students and professionals can collaborate internationally, share knowledge, and build global networks through online platforms.
This
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 demonstrates that the
internet
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 can enhance social interaction rather than replace it when used appropriately. To recapitulate, it is evident that
while
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 the
internet
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 may negatively affect face-to-face
communication
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, it
also
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 offers significant
opportunities
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 for global interaction and connection.
Therefore
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, I believe that
although
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 concerns about its impact are valid, the
internet
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 remains a powerful tool for
communication
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, and its effects depend largely on how
individuals
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 choose to use it.

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task response
Make your position more clear from the start. You say you partly support the view, but later your idea is close to balance. State this in a more direct way.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Develop each body paragraph a little more. Your points are good, but some parts stay general.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Your essay is easy to follow, but some phrases like 'to recapitulate' sound less natural.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph and extend it with explanation and example.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is good. To improve more, make the link between your second paragraph and your opinion a bit clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a logical order and are easy to understand.
task response
You use examples that match the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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