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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today's children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In
today
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's
society
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, some people believe that
children
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 experience more
pressure
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 than
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children
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 did in the past.
However
Linking Words
, I completely disagree and believe that
children
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 in previous generations faced greater
pressure
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 from both their
parents
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 and
society
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.
Firstly
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,
children
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 in the past often experienced significant
pressure
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 from their
parents
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. From an early age, many
children
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 had to leave school in order to support their families financially. Some of them worked long hours every day, which could lead to stress and mental health problems.
In addition
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,
children
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 were expected to obey their
parents
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 without question, which placed a great deal of
pressure
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 on them.
In contrast
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, many
children
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today
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 receive more support from their
parents
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 and are encouraged to focus on their education rather than work.
Secondly
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,
children
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 in the past
also
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 faced greater
pressure
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 from
society
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. There were strict expectations that they were required to meet.
For example
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, many
children
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 were expected to pursue respected professions
such
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 as medicine or law, regardless of their personal interests.
As a result
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, they had limited freedom when choosing their future careers.
On the other hand
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,
children
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today
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 generally have more opportunities and greater freedom to choose the profession that suits them best. In conclusion,
although
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children
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today
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 still face certain pressures, I believe that
children
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 in the past experienced greater
pressure
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overall
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due to
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 the expectations imposed by both their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
society
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.

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task response
For task response: your answer is clear, but you can add one more direct idea about why some people think children now have more pressure.
task response
For task response: your examples are good, but they are a bit general. Add one short and real example to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay is easy to follow. To make it even better, use one or two more linking words like 'because', 'for this reason', or 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the second body paragraph is clear, but you can explain the main idea a little more before the example.
task response
Task response: you answer the question clearly and your opinion is strong from the start to the end.
task response
Task response: your main ideas stay on topic and support your view well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to read.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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