IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that sports is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years,
sports
Use synonyms
 have become a pressing concern. It is argued that
sports
Use synonyms
 are crucial for the community,
while
Linking Words
 others opine that it is not comparable to recreational activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to analyse both perspectives
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand,
sports
Use synonyms
 are paramount for the society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if more
people
Use synonyms
 are engaged in sporting activities,
then
Linking Words
 they have more chances of becoming successful in any field. Getting involved in gaming activities opens a wider scope for the player to get employment or studies.
For instance
Linking Words
, various athletes around the world are getting jobs in
sports
Use synonyms
, the police or the army, which is
also
Linking Words
 motivating others to pursue their careers in
sports
Use synonyms
 for huge benefits.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, several sportspersons are
also
Linking Words
 receiving financial assistance from the higher authorities, which contributes towards their
overall
Linking Words
 development and leads to improved quality of their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advocates who argue that there is nothing more than an entertainment activity favour that
people
Use synonyms
 can utilise their valuable time by getting involved with their kith and kin or by participating in cultural events. Several individuals are more connected to their roots and culture, and they are giving their preference for attending cultural events.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India,
people
Use synonyms
 are more connected to their cultural values and always try to attend their festivals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals can
also
Linking Words
 spend their leisure time by taking spa services, which is
also
Linking Words
 a relaxation activity. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 have more opportunities to spend their leisure time by participating in their cultural festivals, I personally believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 are essential for the economic growth of society as they bring several rewards and provide job opportunities to
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction outlines the topic well, but make sure to include a clear thesis statement that presents your stance more explicitly. This would enhance your task response.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly delineate your points with appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your argument. This will help with coherence.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples or statistics to make your points stronger. This applies particularly to the section discussing the societal benefits of sports and the cultural importance.
task achievement
You've effectively highlighted both perspectives on the importance of sports and leisure activities, demonstrating good balance in your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your view that sports are beneficial for economic growth, providing a clear stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: