IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Children today are overweight and suffer serious health problems. This is a serious issue. Give reasons for child obesity and give solutions to fix this problem

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Children
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before
Change preposition
apply
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100 years ago weren’t overweight like nowadays. Many
children
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now days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 are overweight
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is a serious health
problem
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasons for child obesity and give solutions to fix the
problem
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.
Children
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 nowadays are fat
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there
many
Verb problem
are many
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 reasons for that. First is fast
food
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,
fast
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
food
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 can make the
kids
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 fat because it is unhealthy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 sometimes it isn’t clean. Second is
sugar
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 ,
sugar
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it make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the kid fat because eating too much
Sugar
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 gives the
body
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 extra calories.
Lastly
Linking Words
 is no
sport
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 many
kids
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 nowadays
they doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
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 exercise or do
sport
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 and they just sit and play video games all day. There are many solutions for
this
Linking Words
 global
problem
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 first is
sport
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.
Sport
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 can help the
kids
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 to lose weight and keep their
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body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 healthy. Second is healthy
food
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,
healthy
Correct pronoun usage
which
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food
Use synonyms
 can help the
body
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 to be healthy and
gives
Wrong verb form
give
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 the
body
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 energy.
Lastly
Linking Words
is
Punctuation problem
,
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 remove
sugar
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, if the
kids
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removes
Correct subject-verb agreement
remove
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Punctuation problem
sugar,
show examples
 it would
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 the
body
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 to
make the
Verb problem
stabilise
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sugar
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stable
Correct word choice
apply
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and make the
body
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 healthy. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are many reasons why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays are overweight.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are
also
Linking Words
 some fantastic solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You give reasons and fixes, but the ideas are short.
task response
Add one clear example for a reason or a fix. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain each main point more. Say why fast food, sugar, and no sport lead to fat children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like First, Second, Also, and However.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences clearer. A few parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word form.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: reasons and solutions.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs for introduction, reasons, solutions, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches your main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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