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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

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In today's fast-paced world, parents have become increasingly selective when it comes to their
children
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's education, as they predominantly send their youngsters to foreign countries where they are educated.
While
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 it has some drawbacks, the upsides,
such
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 as gaining beneficial
experiences
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 that affect their future and learning a foreign
language
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, can be far greater than the money spent by their parents, which can be used in other helpful ways. On the one hand, undoubtedly, the benefits of being educated in a programme
that is
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 held in a foreign country trigger
children
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 to experience multi-cultural environments , which can inevitably broaden their vision.
This
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 is because the interaction, sparked by sharing life
experiences
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 with their peers, has given rise to awareness of how they can overcome obstacles when they face them in the environment.
In addition
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, they can gradually learn a
language
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 because of the interaction, which creates a profound effect on their careers in the future.
Consequently
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, they not only acquire a skill that enables them to look from a different side, which is vital to solving problems through their dream journey, but
also
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 gain the ability to speak with a person who speaks a different
language
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.
For instance
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,
children
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 who spend their holiday in a
language
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 course in a foreign country show higher performance than their peers because of having an enormous number of
experiences
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 which they gain throughout their journey. They can easily come up with a solution when they face an issue, which helps them achieve their goals in the classes.
Hence
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, these educational trips have a profound effect on
children
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's development.
On the other hand
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, one of the disadvantages of trips abroad is that these programmes may result in irreversible mental health conditions for
children
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. The reason for
this
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 is that these trips may have a huge distance from their motherland, and
children
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 feel alone, which makes them struggle to adapt to a new environment. In
this
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 state, youngsters cannot explain their situation to anybody, even their parents, and they develop a mental health condition that would be a major contributor to their future,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of self-confidence. To illustrate, people who have some traumas, fuelled by their past
experiences
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 during their trip abroad, have difficulties when they are forced to live in a different environment.
Thus
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, they may not be successful and feel alone in their entire life because of their mental deformities. In conclusion,
although
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 travelling abroad for education has some drawbacks, I firmly maintain that the advantages of being abroad have given rise to
children
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's development as they gain new perspectives from their peers and accelerate the process of learning a new
language
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. These advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your good side is clear, but the bad side needs one more clear point.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. Some lines are long and hard to follow.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used well, but a few are too much or not natural. Use simpler links.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Break them into two when needed.
task response
You answered the question and gave both advantages and disadvantages.
task response
Your position is clear, and you say the advantages are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a logical order.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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