IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a big controversy regarding whether authorities should financially support
artists
Use synonyms
, musicians and poets . Some argue that governments should invest in these activities,
while
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 others strongly disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before sharing my point of view. On the one hand, some think that
artists
Use synonyms
, musicians and poets should be financially supported , and
this
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 is justified in two ways.
Firstly
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, they preserve culture and traditions, which means that
artists
Use synonyms
 help maintain a country's history, traditions and identity through music, literature and art.
For example
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, in some West African countries
such
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 as Mali, griots explain past events through music and share it with their children as an heirloom.
Furthermore
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, by spending on these activities, it can be supportive for the
government
Use synonyms
 through the economy. To be precise, the creative industry can acttract tourist and create jobs .
For instance
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, a lot of people travel from one country to another just for their favourite artist's concert or
poet
Correct article usage
a poet
show examples
 ;
thus
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, the hotel and accommodation domain's outcome will considerably increase through .
On the other hand
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,
government
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 money should be focused on essential services . To be clear,
due to
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 the fact that they directly affect people's lives, public funds should be prioritised for crucial needs
such
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 as healthcare, education and infrastructure .
Moreover
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, Art is not always beneficial to society since some artistic projects may have limited practical value compared with other public investments. To illustrate, a
government
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 spends millions on a modern art exhibition that only a small number of people visit
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
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,
while
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 hospitals need more equipment or schools need more teachers.
To conclude
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 , in my opinion
government
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 should provide some financial support to
artists
Use synonyms
, but
this
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 funding should be limited and carefully managed because essential services should remain the priority.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts sound broken or not full.
task achievement
Add one more clear example to support your second view.
task achievement
Explain your opinion a little more in the end.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar and word form because some errors make meaning less clear.
task achievement
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body parts, and conclusion.
task achievement
You use examples, such as the Mali idea and tourism.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support = money from the government
  • public funding = money given by the state
  • artist = a person who creates art
  • musician = a person who plays or writes music
  • poet = a person who writes poems
  • culture = the ideas, art, and way of life of a group
  • heritage = culture and history from the past
  • creative work = work that uses new ideas and art
  • talent = natural skill
  • public benefit = a good result for many people
  • quality of life = how good people's daily life is
  • taxpayer money = money collected from citizens
  • waste of money = spending that gives little value
  • essential services = basic public needs like health and education
  • limited budget = not much money to spend
  • private sponsor = a person or company that gives money
  • earn a living = make enough money to live
  • fair system = a system that treats people equally
  • balanced approach = a way that is careful and not extreme
  • preserve culture = keep culture safe for the future
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