IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many professionals and doctors are leaving their poor countries to work in developed nations. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation?

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Many professionals and doctors are leaving their poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 to work in
develope
Correct your spelling
developed
 nations
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
, we can overlook many aspects at
this
Linking Words
 point. Best opportunities: these third world countries have a poor population
a
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their salary cannot afford their bills.
moving To
Capitalize the proper name
Moving to
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 a developed country is their option where they can get more opportunities. Get an
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 degree, Some . At
this
Linking Words
 point, they may realise plenty
projects
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of projects
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 and most of the
times
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time
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 many of them go back to their home
contries
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countries
 and have their own clinics where they help people. or they do
mabile
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mobile
 clinics, where they provide care and
screan
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screen
 for chronics disease a refer them to the hospitals nearby for
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 investigations and possible treatment.
Linking Words
therefore
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Therefore
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,
i
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I
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 would suggest that the
department
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Department
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 of
health creates
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Health create
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 some programs and opportunities
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 loans for the healthcare
worker
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workers
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,
Correct word choice
and
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also
Linking Words
 update the healthcare system. And patients and
employee
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employees
show examples
 will get better
outcome
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outcomes
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts in full. Explain the problems for poor countries, not only the reasons why workers leave. For example, there may be too few doctors, long waits, and less care for people in small towns.
task response
Make each main idea clear and add an example. Explain how better pay abroad causes a lack of doctors at home, then show what this means for sick people.
task response
Your solutions are good, but explain how each one can work. For example, the health department can give better pay, help with study costs, and improve hospitals so doctors want to stay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main sentence. Then give two or three sentences that explain it. Avoid very short parts, such as “Get an advance degree, Some.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more carefully: “First”, “As a result”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each paragraph. The part about doctors going back home and mobile clinics could be in a separate paragraph or used as one example.
task response
You give clear main reasons for leaving: better pay, more work chances, and study.
task response
You give useful ideas for action, such as health programs, loans, and a better health system.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “therefore”, “also”, and “where”.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas about training and care at home are linked to the main topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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