IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, the government pays for health care. In others, the individual must pay for their own health care. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each system.

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Introduction
In some nations,the government is responsible for covering
healthcare
Use synonyms
 costs,
whereas
Linking Words
 in others,individuals
must
Verb problem
apply
show examples
may pay for their own medical
treatment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of both systems.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when the government funds
healthcare
Use synonyms
, citizens tend to have a longer life expectancy.
This
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 is because everyone has access to medical
treatment
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, meaning that chronic illnesses and diseases can be diagnosed and treated early.
Nevertheless
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,
this
Linking Words
 system often results in long waiting times, which can be problematic. As the vast majority of people rely on
such
Linking Words
 a system, it can take a long time just to get a check-up.
Moreover
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, patients with serious health conditions may not be able to wait that long, which could put their lives at risk.
Body paragraph 2
For instance
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, patients may have to wait several weeks just to see a specialist, which can be frustrating for those in urgent need of care.
Body paragraph 3
One major advantage of privately-funded
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is that patients can access medical services quickly,
long
Change preposition
without long
show examples
 waiting times.
However
Linking Words
,a clear disadvantage is that individuals have to pay for
treatment
Use synonyms
 out of their own pocket,which can be a significant financial burden,especially for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and those with lower incomes.
Body paragraph 4
As a result
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, some people may delay seeking
treatment
Use synonyms
 altogether, which could worsen their health in the long run.
Conclusion
In conclusion,both government-dundee and privately-funded
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems have their own pros and cons.
While
Linking Words
 covering for medicine promotes equality and accessibility,self-funded services provide faster services.From my point of view,a combination of both systems would provide the most efficient and balanced solution.

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task response
You discuss both kinds of health care and give both good and bad points. To make your answer stronger, explain each main point a little more. For example, say why long waits happen and how they can affect a sick person.
task response
Your example about waiting to see a doctor is useful, but it is quite general. Add one clear, real-life style example for private health care too, such as a low-paid worker who cannot pay for an operation.
task response
Your last view supports a mixed system, which is a good idea. Explain what this system would look like: free basic care for all people, with paid care for faster or extra help.
task response
Correct unclear word choices so your ideas are easy to understand. Write “government-funded” instead of “government-dundee”, and write “free health care” or “public health care” instead of “covering for medicine”.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep each body part in one full paragraph. The short example paragraphs could be joined to the paragraph before them.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show the change from one idea to the next. For example: “However”, “As a result”, “In contrast”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer links. Change “patients can access medical services quickly, long waiting times” to “patients can access medical services quickly because there are no long waiting times.”
coherence and cohesion
Check small errors that can stop the reader. Write “individuals may pay”, not “must may pay”; add spaces after commas and full stops; and use the same terms, such as “public health care” and “private health care”, throughout.
task response
You answer the full question by looking at both public and private health care.
task response
You give clear main ideas: equal access and early care for public health care, and faster care but higher cost for private health care.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and your ending brings the two systems together.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • financial burden
  • preventive care
  • taxpayer expense
  • wait times
  • overuse
  • competition
  • personal responsibility
  • inequality in access
  • financial devastation
  • necessary care
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