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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the fittest and strongest individuals and teams always success in sports. Others think that success in sports depends on mental attitudes. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is often claimed that
athletes
Use synonyms
 need to be physically fit to succeed,
while
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 others believe that mental strength is more important for controlling their bodies and pursuing their goals. Personally, I believe that both are necessary for sporting success.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, physical fitness is essential in various sports to ensure effective competition. Each sport requires specific physical abilities, and if these requirements are not met by the athlete, they might struggle to compete with others at the same level. They may
also
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 be prone to injuries if they push their bodies beyond their physical abilities.
Therefore
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,
this
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 could hold them back from reaching their goals and achieving a high position in their sport.
For example
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, footballers like Ronaldo, Hazard, and Kaká have suffered from serious injuries throughout their careers, which have obstructed them from competing at their highest level.
That is
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 why I believe having a good physique and sufficient strength is vital for
athletes
Use synonyms
, but I think these qualities are not enough on their own to ensure success.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
athletes
Use synonyms
 need a strong mentality to reach milestones in their careers. Often, when engaging in a sport, a person has to compete with others who might have various advantages over them. In order not to be intimidated by these advantages, pressure, or difficult circumstances,
athletes
Use synonyms
 should remain calm, focused and most importantly, believe in themselves. Even if they fail, they should have the mentality to keep trying and preparing again and again.
This
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 applies to winning as well, as many
athletes
Use synonyms
 have to put their achievements behind them and start thinking about how to achieve them again.
For instance
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, football manager Pep Guardiola coached Manchester City for about seven years before winning the UEFA Champions League, even though he had reached the final and semi-finals and failed before.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that to succeed in sports, individuals should have a strong mental attitude to cope with any circumstances,
as well as
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 good physical fitness and body strength to help them prevent injuries and maintain their performance.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why the mind can be as important as the body in sport. For example, say how focus can change a key moment in a game.
task response
Your examples are mostly on football. Use one example from a different sport, such as tennis, running, or swimming, to show that your ideas fit sport in general.
task response
Be careful with the example of injured players. Injury does not always show that a player was not fit or strong. You could say that fitness helps lower the risk of injury and helps players return to their best form.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: an opening, one part for each view, and an ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear, but you use “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” in a good way already. Add a few more simple links inside paragraphs, such as “As a result”, “In contrast”, or “For this reason”, when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold several ideas. Split them when needed, especially in the second main paragraph. This will make the main point easier to follow.
task response
You answer every part of the question. Your view is clear from the opening and is repeated in the ending: both physical fitness and mental strength matter.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and well explained. You show how fitness supports performance and how a strong mind helps athletes deal with pressure and failure.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear main idea, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a clear summary of your view and matches the ideas in the body paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical strength
  • fitness level
  • peak condition
  • stamina
  • endurance
  • body power
  • mental strength
  • positive attitude
  • self-control
  • strong will
  • team spirit
  • under pressure
  • recover quickly
  • keep focus
  • top-level sport
  • perform well
  • fight back
  • follow a plan
  • deciding factor
  • win important matches
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