IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The crime rate has seen a drastic increase over the past few years. Apparently,
this
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 has instilled a sense of fear in almost everyone and most people prefer leaving their homes once in a blue moon.
However
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, the view that strict actions should be taken to prevent crime or
nothing
Correct word choice
that nothing
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 can be done about
this
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 situation has not been settled yet.
Firstly
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, I feel that if a heinous crime eg. rape, murder etc, has been committed the culprit should be given the death sentence immediately.
Secondly
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, be it a politician or a film star the punishment should be the same without any bias.
This
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 not only will help the public trust the government's ideas but
also
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 remove their fear which will help them to roam around freely.
Next,
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the more the precautionary steps taken the more it will help in curbing down the crimes.
On the other hand
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, some feel that imposing heavy law and order won't be beneficial. Because
,
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apply
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 it takes an ample amount of time for the court to grant any kind of judgement even if it is a serious punishable offence. One
such
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 example is the 26/11 Kasab case where it took the officials more than a year to hang him dead. But, till today there are rumours doing the rounds about whether was he still hanged because apart from the national bodies nobody witnessed it. In conclusion, I personally support that more actions should be taken against grave offences.
For instance
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, in my opinion,
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 can help the victims claim justice on time and develop a kind of anxiety among the criminals so that they get more inclined towards not committing one.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by presenting equal weight to both sides of the argument. This can enhance the discussion and lead to a stronger conclusion.
Task Achievement
To improve clarity, ensure that your points are supported with more relevant examples and explanations. This helps solidify your arguments and makes your position clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on making logical connections between ideas more explicit to enhance flow. Using clear transition phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for clarity in your introductions and conclusions. A clearer statement of your thesis in the introduction and a stronger recap of your main points in the conclusion would enhance structural clarity.
Task Achievement
You effectively highlighted the urgent issue of crime and the fear it instills in society, which is an important aspect of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion reflects a personal opinion, which is a strong feature of argumentative essays and helps to provide a definitive stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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