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Band 7

An increasing number of people are changing their career what are the reason? Do you think it is positive or negative?

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Introduction
Introduction
Body paragraph 1
In today’s contemporary era, an increasing number of
individuals
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 are switching
careers
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 during their professional lives.
This
Linking Words
 can be attributed to limited employment
opportunities
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, insufficient
income
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 and the desire for professional
development
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. In my view,
this
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 is a positive
development
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 because changing
careers
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 can provide
people
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 with better
opportunities
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 and allow them to develop new
skills
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.
Body paragraph 2
Body 1 — Why do
people
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 change
careers
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?
Body paragraph 3
To commence with, there are several reasons why
people
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 decide to change their
careers
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. One major reason is that some
individuals
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 face limited
opportunities
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 for professional
development
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 in their current jobs.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
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 may remain in the same position for numerous years without receiving a decent raise in salary or having the opportunity to flourish in their professional
careers
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.
This
Linking Words
 can create self-doubt and encourage them to search for a better career.
For instance
Linking Words
, an employee working for a multinational company may remain in the same position for several years if there are limited
opportunities
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 for promotion.
Body paragraph 4
Body 2 — Why can it be positive?
Body paragraph 5
Furthermore
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, changing
careers
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 can provide
people
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 with new
opportunities
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 to increase their
income
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 and develop themselves. A decent raise in salary is important because
people
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 have many needs, and a higher
income
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 can help them satisfy those needs.
In addition
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,
individuals
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 can learn new
skills
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 and create a plethora of career options
instead
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 of depending on only one source of
income
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.
For example
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, a person may leave an unsatisfying job, learn new
skills
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 and eventually create their own business.
As a result
Linking Words
, changing
careers
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 can help
people
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 find a position where they feel that they truly belong.
Body paragraph 6
Conclusion
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
people
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 may switch
careers
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 because of limited employment
opportunities
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, insufficient
income
Use synonyms
 and a lack of professional
development
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 changing
careers
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 without careful consideration can create problems, I believe that it is generally a positive
development
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 because it allows
individuals
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 to develop new
skills
Use synonyms
, increase their
income
Use synonyms
 and find better career
opportunities
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts clearly, as you do now. To make the view stronger, explain more fully why changing work is positive for most people, not only for one person. You could also say when it may be bad, such as when a person leaves work without a plan or enough money.
task response
Your main reasons are clear: low pay, few chances to move up, and a wish to learn. Try to give one more real detail for each reason. For example, say how low pay may make it hard to pay for food, rent, or a family.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Make them more exact by showing the problem, the change, and the result. For example, show how a worker learned a skill, found new work, and then had better pay or more job choice.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: start, reasons, good sides, and end. Keep this plan. In the first main part, make the link between few chances to move up and low pay a little clearer, as these are two separate reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as “To commence with” and “To recapitulate” can sound too formal. Simple links such as “First,” “Also,” “For example,” and “In the end” are often clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, such as better chances and new skills. This is not a big problem, but you can make each part do a different job: one part for why people leave, and one part for why the change can help them.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view through the whole essay. You also answer both the reasons question and the positive-or-negative question.
task response
The main ideas are on topic and easy to understand. Low pay, few chances to move up, and learning new skills are good reasons for career change.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear main idea, an explanation, and an example. This makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The start and end work well together. The end sums up the key reasons and restates your view clearly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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