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Band 4.5

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? (250 words)

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Introduction
In recently
Change preposition
Recently
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, the way individuals interact with each other has changed because of
Use synonyms
technology
Correct determiner usage
the
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 impact
.
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of technology.
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 In my opinion, I think there are several ways
that
Change preposition
in which
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technology
Use synonyms
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
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 on
relationship
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 of
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 is a positive development.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one of the many ways that
technology
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 leads to changing of the relationships of
people
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 is that in the past,
people
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 maked
relationship
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 by meeting
face
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 to
face
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. They were going out to maintain the bonding with
people
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 who live
near by
Correct your spelling
nearby
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as neighbours or friends, and they went to the places that
they relevance
Verb problem
were relevant
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.
For example
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, students normally meet their friends at school, and employees go to the office to have
conversation
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a conversation
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 with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 colleague.
Moreover
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,
changing
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with changing
show examples
technology
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,
people
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 meet similar interests through social
online
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media
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instead
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. They go to join the communities on site. To illustrate, teenagers who
interested
Verb problem
are interested
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 in book clubs tend to communicate with friends by creating
group
Add an article
a group
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 page on the website
that
Correct pronoun usage
where
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 they exchange
the
Correct article usage
apply
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book’s
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book
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 topics.
Body paragraph 2
From my perspective, I think
this
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 trend can be beneficial. One of the main reasons is that
people
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 can maintain and build relationships with
people
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 who live far away, especially individuals who stay
different
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in different
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 countries with their family members.
This
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 is because it reduces mental problems
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such
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, such
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 as anxiety or depression
people
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 who live alone. They can feel isolated if they do not connect with other
people
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.
As a result
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, using
technology
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 can improve a good
relationship
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is obvious that the
technology
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 has changed the
ways that
Check wording
way
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people
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 make relationships is that
people
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 build a
bonding
Replace the word
bond
 without meeting
face
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 to
face
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, and they can participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communities more easily. In my opinion,
this
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 development is an advantage because
the
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apply
show examples
social medias help
people
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 to maintain their long distance
relationship
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain more clearly how technology changes relationships: people can make new friends online, keep in touch over long distance, and spend less time meeting in person.
task response
Your view is clear: you think this is positive. However, add one short bad point, such as less real face-to-face time, then explain why the good side is still greater.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, video calls help family members in different countries see and talk to each other often, so they may feel less alone.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The book club example is useful, but say how it helps people make a relationship, not only exchange book topics.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph about changes in relationships, one paragraph about whether this is good or bad, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. Do not put too many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully: “In the past”, “Today”, “For example”, “Because of this”, and “In conclusion”. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “I think” and “relationship” too often. You can use “this change”, “these ties”, “friends and family”, or “online contact”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and more direct. Restate the two main changes and your opinion without adding unclear new words or ideas.
task response
You answer both questions. You explain that people now meet others online and can stay close to family and friends who live far away.
task response
Your main view is clear from the start and stays the same through the essay: technology is mostly a good change.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as “To begin with”, “For example”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationships
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • online
  • face-to-face
  • friendships
  • romantic relationships
  • family dynamics
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • effects
  • formation
  • ease
  • impacts
  • communities
  • connect
  • interaction
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