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Band 6

Some people believe that walking is the best way to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, a new topic has arisen in our society: some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that walking is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy. I disagree that walking is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy because it only burns calories, helps you relax, and reduces stress.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I disagree that walking is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy.
This
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 is because walking does not burn fat or increase your metabolism, which raises daily calorie consumption.
However
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, jogging or running can be more effective for staying healthy because it makes us sweat and increases our heart rate.
For example
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, over the
last
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 two months, I tried walking around my hometown to stay healthy.
Nevertheless
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, my examination results show that I need more endurance-based exercise, like swimming or jogging, to stay as healthy as possible.
Therefore
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, walking is a great
way
Use synonyms
 to relax and improve
mood
Correct determiner usage
one's mood
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason walking suits older adults and busy
people
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 is that it is easy to do.
In other words
Linking Words
, older adults may find it difficult to do strenuous training to stay healthy because it requires strong muscles and endurance.
In addition
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, for busy
people
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, walking is the best choice for staying healthy because their hectic schedules require them to work at least ten hours a day.
For instance
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,
last
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 year, I chose to walk to stay healthy because my days were so busy that I worked around eleven hours.
Therefore
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, walking is a better choice for busy
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both points show the benefits of walking for staying healthy and keeping our health better when we have time.
Therefore
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, I believe that walking for fifteen minutes helps improve our mood and concentration to some extent, which can help us get high grades in exams.

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Task response
Make your main view clear and keep it the same. You say you disagree, but later you say walking is the best choice for busy people. Say that walking is useful, but not the best way for all people.
Task response
Explain health in a wider way. Health is not only about burning calories. Write about the heart, muscles, weight, sleep, and stress. Then show why walking may help some of these, but other exercise may help more.
Task response
Be careful with facts. Walking can help burn fat and may help the body use more energy. Do not say it does not burn fat. Instead, say that running or swimming may burn more energy in less time.
Task response
Use examples that clearly prove your point. Your own work day is useful, but explain what happened: for example, walking helped you move more, but it did not give you enough hard exercise.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one clear plan. In the first body part, explain why walking is not the best for everyone. In the second body part, explain why it is still a good choice for some people. This will make your ideas fit together.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph end with the same idea as its first line. The first paragraph starts by saying walking is not best, but ends by saying it is great for mood. Add a line to link this benefit to your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Write a conclusion that answers the question directly. Do not add new ideas about grades and exams there. State your view again: walking is good and easy, but a mix of exercise is better for full health.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. Words such as 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' are used well in places, but make sure the next sentence truly follows from them.
Task response
You give a clear view at the start and try to explain it with reasons about energy, stress, older people, and busy people.
Task response
You use personal examples, which make the essay feel real and help show how your ideas may work in daily life.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. This gives the reader an easy basic path through your work.
Coherence and cohesion
You often use helpful linking words, such as 'To begin with', 'For example', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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