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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the number of young people committing crimes is rising. What are the reasons for this? How can parents and schools help to prevent it?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
It is frequently reported that teenagers are responsible for a growing share of theft, vandalism and violence in cities around the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay argues that the main causes are absent supervision at home and a lack of purpose after school, and that parents and teachers can reverse the trend by giving young people both attention and something worthwhile to do.
Body paragraph 1
The first cause lies
inside
Change preposition
within
show examples
 the family. In many
households
Add a comma
households,
show examples
 both adults now work long hours, so a fourteen-year-old may spend six unsupervised hours each evening with nobody asking where he has been. In Casablanca,
for instance
Linking Words
, police found that most boys arrested for shoplifting in 2024 came home to an empty flat. Closely linked to
this
Linking Words
 is boredom. When a neighbourhood offers no sports club, library or part-time job, a group of friends with nothing to do will quickly test the limits of the law.
Body paragraph 2
Turning to prevention, the most effective step a family can take is simply to be present. A father who eats dinner with his children, checks their phones and knows their friends by name removes the secrecy in which petty crime grows, and studies in Britain show that
such
Linking Words
 teenagers offend at half the rate of their peers.
In addition
Linking Words
, schools should keep their doors open after the final bell. A secondary school in Rabat,
for example
Linking Words
, started free football and coding sessions until seven o'clock, and the local station recorded a third fewer complaints about pupils within a year. In my view,
therefore
Linking Words
, the solution is not harsher punishment but filling the empty hours that crime currently occupies.
Conclusion
In conclusion, youth crime rises when adolescents are
unwatched
Use the right word
unattended
show examples
 and unoccupied. On balance, engaged parents and active schools can remove both conditions at little cost.

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task response
The answer covers both parts well: it gives clear reasons and clear ways parents and schools can help. To make it even stronger, explain a little more how each step stops crime, not only that it does.
task response
The examples make the ideas easy to see. Be careful with facts about police and studies if you cannot show where they come from. You can use a more general example instead.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear path: causes, then help from parents and schools, then a short ending. Keep this strong order in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “for instance”, “in addition”, and “therefore” are used well. You could use fewer long sentences in places, so the main point is even easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader. The move from family problems to boredom is smooth, but a short first sentence for boredom could make that new idea stand out more.
task response
The main view is clear from the start: young people may turn to crime when they are not watched and have nothing useful to do.
task response
The help from parents and schools is direct and useful, with clear actions such as shared meals, knowing friends, and after-school groups.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well. The final paragraph brings the two main causes and the two main answers together clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Examples are placed after the ideas they support, so the reader can follow the point without getting lost.
Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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