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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationship. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationship
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There are those who complain that the impact of technological communication style ruins their social relationship. Personally, I disagree with
this
 point of view. Of course, many
people
 offer that using smart devices to keep in touch is likely an effective way for everyone. The smart functions,
such
 as messages, and video calls, assist us
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 connecting with other
people
, even though we are far away from them.
For instance
, university students live long distances away from their parents and usually communicate with their families via technology devices like computers, smartphones,
laptops
Correct word choice
and laptops
show examples
….
This
 solution will help to bond the relationship between the family members when they live away from each other.
Moreover
, telecommunication
also
 supports the users to finish the problems without directed conversation which seems to reduce the stressful and overwhelming situations in each relationship.
On the other hand
, there are many
people
 who argue that the misunderstanding of the conversation through the technology tools is certainly the main reason for causing the negative effect on their partnership. Owing to the lack of physical connection, they can’t predict the feelings and emotions of the others, resulting in losing belief and safety for each other.
However
,
this
 case is nearly impossible to occur anymore in the digital area, because of the support of smart devices,
people
 can easily contact others in many ways which all bring a realistic experience. In conclusion,
although
 novel style of communication still contains some obstacles, causing the lack of face-to-face connection.
Nevertheless
, modern communication systems give us the opportunity to build relationships over long distances.
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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your ideas. Use more transitional phrases to ensure the reader can easily follow your argument from one point to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples. For instance, you might include a brief anecdote or statistical data to support your arguments.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and effectively reiterated it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view which strengthens your overall response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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