IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
Some individuals believe that youngsters should be required to spend their free
time
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 on unpaid
community
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 work. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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 view, because spending their free
time
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 working for the
community
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 not only fosters personal development but
also
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 improves the
community
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary reasons for making unpaid
community
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 work mandatory is the substantial benefits it brings to young people's personal development. Engaging in volunteering activities allows young people to acquire essential skills
such
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 as communication, teamwork, and marketing. These skills are not only valuable in their careers but
also
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 contribute to their
overall
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 character.
For instance
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, by selling cups of lemonade at a marathon race during their free
time
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, they learn the importance of selling and collaboration. These experiences help them to practise and prepare to face the challenges of adult life.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant reason is the positive impact on the
community
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. Young individuals get to see real problems in their area, like pollution. By participating in unpaid
community
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 service in their free
time
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, young individuals contribute to the development of their surroundings.
For example
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, they clean a Chonburi beach to see how much trash is there, so they stop littering and tell others to do the same.
Therefore
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, they will grow into a person who cares about the public, not just thinks about themselves, and
this
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also
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 helps build a better
community
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 young people who do unpaid
community
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 work can consume a significant amount of
time
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, the benefits it offers are worth the
time
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. I believe that they should spend their free
time
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 on unpaid public service because it develops their skills and improves the surroundings for the
community
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that all young people should do this work. To make your answer stronger, talk more about the word “required”. Explain why this rule is fair, and say how schools or local groups could make sure the work is safe and not too much.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: young people can learn skills, and the local area can get help. Add a little more detail to each idea. For example, show how work with other people can help a young person later at school or at work.
task response
Some examples need to fit the point more closely. Selling lemonade at a race may help a group, but it sounds more like a business activity than unpaid local work. Use a clearer case, such as helping clean a park, helping old people, or helping at a food bank.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, because it makes your ideas easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links between sentences more carefully. You repeat “young individuals” and “in their free time” many times. You can use “they”, “teenagers”, or “these people” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
In the beach example, the sentence has too many ideas: “they clean a Chonburi beach to see how much trash is there, so they stop littering...” Break it into two or three short sentences. This will make the link between the action and the result clearer.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the first line to the end.
task response
Your ideas about learning skills and helping the local area are both on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main point, and the conclusion clearly brings the two points together.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance”, “Another significant reason”, and “Therefore” help show the order of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • community service
  • free time
  • unpaid work
  • local area
  • real life skills
  • team work
  • time management
  • sense of duty
  • social responsibility
  • help others
  • make a difference
  • public spaces
  • food bank
  • care home
  • volunteer work
  • forced labor
  • school pressure
  • mental stress
  • personal choice
  • fair system
  • practical experience
  • benefit society
  • build character
  • learn discipline
  • support local people
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