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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #internet #communities
It is thought by some that the invent of
internet
 enabled people to stay closer while others argue that it increases the isolation in the local communities.
Although
 the
internet
 allows people to contact their loved ones living in foreign countries instantly,
however I
Accept comma addition
however, I
 believe that the people’s online addiction reduces their interaction in the neighbourhood. On the one hand, people can communicate with their friends and family members living in any parts of the world with the help of the
internet
.
That is
 to say, many social networking applications
allows
Suggestion
allow
 people to send text messages and receive responses, without much wait time, unlike the traditional modes of communication like telegram and post cards.
Moreover
, it enables people to make video calls which
allows
Suggestion
allow
 them to feel their presence, even though they are miles apart.
For instance
, almost 87% of the International students uses Skype video calls to interact with their parents on
daily basis
Suggestion
a daily basis
 as it allows them to stay in touch with their family.
However
, I believe that the
internet’s
Suggestion
internet
 addiction drifts people apart in their community.
On the other hand
, the people’s social interaction within the local community is reduced.
This
 is because as people spent more hours in online like chatting with friends in messenger, surfing and playing video games
,
Accept space
,
 which in turn keeps them indoors and socially inactive with people living around them.
For instance
, a recent research conducted by the London Children Health Services showed that the nearly 67% of children spent their leisure time playing games
in online
Suggestion
online instead of
instead
 of playing with other children outdoors. I am of the view that the
internet
 made people to
locked
Suggestion
lock
 up inside their
homes thereby
Accept comma addition
homes, thereby
 deterring their social presence with others. To conclude, though technology has brought people staying miles away closer,
however I
Accept comma addition
however, I
 believe that it has stopped their conversation with others.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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