IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that completing university education is the best way to get a good job. Others, however, think experience and soft skills are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people consider obtaining a degree is the best way to get a
job
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 because it helps an individual to gain knowledge and
skills
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.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that having
experirence
Correct your spelling
experience
experienced
 and soft
skills
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 like communication and teamwork are more important. In my opinion, having a degree helps in meeting
up
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apply
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to
requirement
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requirements
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good companies.
University
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 education
help
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helps
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 an individual to learn specific
skills
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 and required knowledge for the
job
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. A person has an opportunity to learn in-depth knowledge regarding the subject and gain specialised
skills
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. A degree acts as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof that a person has understood and studied a subject well.
This
Linking Words
 makes an employer more likely to hire a person with
university
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qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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.
For example
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,
Many
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many
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 good companies like Google and Amazon
hires
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hire
show examples
 people only with
university
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 qualifications.
However
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, some
inidviduals
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individuals
 believe soft
skills
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 and experience are more important because these
helps
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help
show examples
 an employee to develop communication
skills
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, teamwork,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 ability and
adaptibility
Correct your spelling
adaptability
.
This
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 helps an individual to progress in real-world work
situation
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situations
show examples
. Employers are seen appreciating these qualities during hiring an employee.
For instance
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, in the
movie
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movie,
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 The Intern actor was appointed
at
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to
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 a senior post because of his soft
skills
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 and experience. In my opinion,
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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 education is more important as it teaches an
inidividual
Correct your spelling
individual
 about the specific
skills
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an
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and
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 specialised
knowlegde requiered
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knowledge required
 for the
job
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.
in addition
Linking Words
, it provides you with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof of learning about the subjects and
skills
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. Completing
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education is the most common requirement for getting a good
job
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Revise the structure of your paragraphs for clarity. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant details. The introduction could also better outline the main arguments you'll discuss.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Ensure that each point is clearly articulated and that your opinion is consistently supported throughout the essay.
grammar and mechanics
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'experirence', 'inidviduals', and 'knowlegde'. These mistakes can distract from your overall message, so proofreading is important.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and try to present both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
content
Your essay demonstrates an awareness of the importance of both education and skills in the job market, which is valuable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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