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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people strive to maintain successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this cause? What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #life #time
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Many try to have success in their
career
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 and spend enough quality
time
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 with their family at the same
time
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. The important
problem
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 of these causes is
exhaustion
Suggestion
exhausting
 and the most viable solution for
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is by conducting
publicity awareness campaign
Suggestion
a public awareness campaign
public awareness campaign
public awareness campaigns
, educating about dangers of working too hard. The principal
problem
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 associated with spending enough
time
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 with your loved ones and be a
successful
Suggestion
success
 in your
career
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 can
leads
Suggestion
lead
 toward burn out. Burnout is when people both mentally and physically affected due to working too hard to an extent where it may no longer continue effectively. As a
results
Suggestion
result
 of
this
Linking Words
people
Suggestion
person
 felt mental and physical health issues because of working too hard, it directs towards either, breakdown in
relationship
Suggestion
relationships
the relationship
 in the family or poor performance at work.
For
Linking Words
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
 a recent government survey, about 93 % CEO's felt they did not spend enough quality
time
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 with their children because of working long hours completely get exhausted when they returned home. To tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
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, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate people about
dangers
Suggestion
the dangers
 of working long hours and not spending quality
time
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 with their kin. Many people afraid to ask their boss for the
time
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 off work because of the stigma surrounding people working less hours than normal and
also
Linking Words
 they do not share
Linking Words
this problems
Suggestion
this problem
these problems
 with their close ones. Which often results
into
Suggestion
in
 a tragic situation in the family or in
Use synonyms
career
Suggestion
a career
careers
. A publicity awareness program could shed some light on
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation and allow people to be more open and honest about their state of mind.
For example
Linking Words
, a similar initiative program conducted in Japan, resulted as 82%
decreases
Suggestion
decrease
 in
calling
a telephone call to a radio station or a television station in which the caller participates in the on-going program
call-in
 sick at work because of the mental fatigue. To conclude, striking balance between family life and
successful
Suggestion
success
 in
Use synonyms
career which
Accept comma addition
career, which
 can be totally exhausting.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be solved by initiating
pubic awareness campaign
Suggestion
a public awareness campaign
a pubic awareness campaign
 by educating people about the dangers of working too hard.
Submitted by dearcomred on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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