Shopping is become younger generation hobby.whay are the reason, should encourage them to purse this as a hobby

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Introduction

Modern world today

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many people consider shopping as a pastime activity.Theses days most of the public

have

Suggestion

has

strong economic background to spend money for buying

thing

Suggestion

things

the thing

However

Linking Words

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some think that it can be negatively influenced the society.In my opinion

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I consider

this

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is a serious social menace that should be eliminated.

Body paragraph 1

Firstly

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the principle reason to consider shopping is

hobby

Use synonyms

by many is that it provides a strong sense of achievement to the buyer.

In other words

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when you purchase an expensive

items

Suggestion

item

which would give satisfaction as it adds status to your

life

Use synonyms

when you would be

gotten

Suggestion

getting

compliments from others.Take Youth as an example

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they purchase clothes

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accessories and electronic gadgets according to

latest trend

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the latest trend

.By possessing these products

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they would be notified by others and congratulated by friends and colleagues.

Thus

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, shopping makes shopper happy, many believe it is a

best

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good

better

hobby

Use synonyms

to have.

Body paragraph 2

However

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there are some experts point out that

this

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habit may not be suitable for the public and the society and it is extremely important to make aware youngsters about the

dangerous

Suggestion

dangers

danger

this

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hobby

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.One obvious reason of

this

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is that consumerism.

This

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means, unnecessary purchasing of products would bring huge debt to buyer.Eventually they would not be able to overcome from their financial burden.

Furtheremore

in addition

Furthermore

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unused items might be thrown out after

sometime

Suggestion

some time

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which would cause accumulation of waste everywhere.

This

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may not be a feasible solution for the environment.

For instance

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these days the public buy things even for single use even they might be sure that it will be going to use again in their

life

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especially buying exercise equipments which is very rarely used.

Therefore

Linking Words

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it is extremely important to change the concept of shopping as a

hobby

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Conclusion

Finally

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I consider the shopping is a necessity of the

life

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rather than enjoyment of the

life

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.So I ponder current generation would recognise

problems

Suggestion

the problems

of shopping and make aware younger generation.

Sal

Aug 2, 2019

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Shopping is become younger generation hobby.whay are the reason, should encourage them to purse this as a hobby

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