Working is taking a more important role in people's lives. Why are people working so much? Do you think this trend is good or bad?

#role #people #lives #trend

In modern times, people are spending their majority of

time

in working in order to obtain wealth.

Therefore

, people strive for working unremittingly no matter the result is

benefit

Suggestion

beneficial

or not. In

this

essay, I will offer the underlying

reason

for working unremitting and give the opinion why

this

trend could be negative to people. The primary

reason

for people tend to work so much is that one is

strive

Suggestion

striving

for possessing

the high

Suggestion

the highest

quality of lives. With earning more wealth, people can treat themselves better.

For instance

, employees can move closer to companies, so they can

reduce reduce the

Suggestion

reduce the

commuting

time

Also

, parents

persue

carry out or participate in an activity; be involved in

pursue

peruse

person

to earn more money in order to give their children

well

Suggestion

good

education. People

also

have more opportunities to go

traveling

the act of going from one place to another

travelling

due to the better

wealth

a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease

health

condition.

Thus

, almost everyone in the world

endeavor

Suggestion

endeavours

endeavour

to work so hard even it is a heavy burden for them. To my way of thinking,

this

brings negative consequences in the aspect of health issue. Once people over-worked,

this

means that their body cannot afford the excessive working load. As

time

goes by, their body may

beaffected

Suggestion

be affected

by some diseases.

However

, these diseases may not diagnose in the short term, but diseases are already harmed to bodies slowly. Reducing the leisure

time

with families is another

reason

why I consider working too much is a vicious trend. The

reason

lies in people who spend their major

time

on working is easier to

alienated

Suggestion

alienate

from their families. Once family relationship is ignored, it is difficult to repair. In conclusion,

although

seeking for higher quality of lives is

positive

Suggestion

positively

to individual and the whole society, people still need to concern more about potential health problems and

time

distribution simultaneously.

Submitted by ichihyi.lin on Fri Aug 30 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Working is taking a more important role in people's lives. Why are people working so much? Do you think this trend is good or bad?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

There is an increasing population on the planet, and people are running out of water, food, and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures calation?n be taken to fight overpopu

Many think that governments should fund programs in search of life on other planets. However, others believe governments should focus on unresolved issues of the planet. Provide your opinion and discuss both views.

students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.