IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views.

#people #animals #zoos #entertainment
Although
, exploitation of animal is the main concerned about advanced
soceity
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
.
however some
Accept comma addition
However, some
However some
 people
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
believes
believed
 that zoos is
governement
Suggestion
a government
government
 sponsored institutions like
promote
Suggestion
to promote
 these and other
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
believes
 that zoos have much border aspect.
this
Suggestion
This
 essay will
disuss
to consider or examine in speech or writing
discuss
 and detail analysis of both
view
Suggestion
views
 in order to make
better conclusion
Suggestion
better conclusions
 There are
arugments
a fact or assertion offered as evidence that something is true
arguments
arrangements
 for keeping
animal
Suggestion
animals
an animal
 in a zoos exactly like punishing human in jail.
there
Suggestion
There
 are different
factores
anything that contributes causally to a result
factors
 supporting
this
 version of
view
Suggestion
the view
, As cages are definitely like a prison and the
natual
common to or shared by two or more parties
mutual
inhabitantion
the act of dwelling in or living permanently in a place (said of both animals and men)
inhabitation
 is difficult, it may
case
pick out, select, or choose from a number of alternatives
choose
cease
cause
 to there fertilization and
finally
 vanished from the earth
with in
internal to, not outside; located in the bounds of
within
 the decade, in
adittion
a component that is added to something to improve it
addition
additions
 to
this
 the privacy and safety are major concern,
for instance
 the possibilities getting
illeness
impairment of normal physiological function affecting part or all of an organism
illness
 is much more than the environmental atmosphere.
zoos
Suggestion
Zoos
 are to be considered in a wide sense which means
instead
 of keeping
them cages
Suggestion
them in cages
, In spite of all
the the
definite article
the
 negative
thing
Suggestion
things
, there
are
Suggestion
is
 some good element to be
examin
consider in detail and subject to an analysis in order to discover essential features or meaning
examined
 in a good
mannar
how something is done or how it happens
manner
.
zoos
Suggestion
Zoos
 are more
entertaiments
Suggestion
entertainment
entertainments
 value included for
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
 and biological students who are
enganged
having ones attention or mind or energy engaged
engaged
 in detail studies in some special kind of species which will be
disappear
Suggestion
disappearing
 soon.
these
Suggestion
These
 are the main source to understand
childern
a young person of either sex
children
 to the verity of
animals
Suggestion
animal's
animal
animals'
 existence in the world. to sum up, considering all the factore, i would like to recommend the existene of the zoos is important in our economy even though there are limitation but all
this
 disadvatages outweigh the advantages
Submitted by mirabdullakhoory on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: