IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
Many people are of the opinion that
media broadcast
Suggestion
the media broadcast
 of famous people is having an adverse effect on youngsters. I strongly believe that media coverage of celebrities has a detrimental effect on children because it consumes their
time
,
although
 we cannot overlook how they benefit from the inspiration. On the one hand, the effect that media coverage of celebrities has had on children can be seen as negative. Because there is
massive showcase
Suggestion
a massive showcase
 of these people, children tend to spend more
time
 on the
internet catching
Accept comma addition
internet, catching
 up on the latest celebrity news rather
than than
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 using that
time
 for academic research.
As a result
, they perform dismally in their studies. In Canada, most primary school children obtain lower grades because they spend more
time
 watching celebrity channels on tv
such
 as the famous Kim Kardashian show.
Furthermore
, children are initiated into bad practices when they are exposed to media that broadcasts celebrities.
This
 is because some famous people are bad role models as they are into dangerous activities involving drugs.
As a result
, youngsters will imitate their
favorite
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
 celebrities’ lifestyles which will leave them in serious trouble.
On the other hand
, media broadcast of celebrities has clear advantages to young people.
Firstly
, as children follow celebrities on social media
such
 as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, they are motivated to study extremely hard to be successful in life.
In other words
, famous people act as role models for the young generation.
For example
, 75% of Michelle Obama’s followers on Twitter are young children and a survey conducted revealed that children follow her because she is an inspiration to them.
Secondly
, young children can learn about other cultures and new languages when they listen to celebrities
on
Suggestion
to
 podcasts during their spare
time
. In conclusion,
although
 young people are negatively affected by the wide media coverage of famous people,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 strongly believe there are benefits associated with it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: