IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that historical buildings should be knocked down, while others believe that they should be preserved and restored instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often considered by many
people
Use synonyms
 that the ancient edifice should
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 demolished.
Whereas
Linking Words
, restoration and preservation are required for
such
Linking Words
 construction which is a thought of many others. I am inclined towards
Add an article
the later
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 view and opine that our archaeological assets are required to be maintained
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 historical values
as well as
Linking Words
Correct article usage
an economics
show examples
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 point of view. The history of our nation keeps immense glorious stories,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which can only be kept alive by keeping these
places
Use synonyms
 secured and in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protected manner.
For instance
Linking Words
,
famous
Correct article usage
the famous
show examples
 Amer fort in Jaipur city gives
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 glimpse of
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 sumptuous lifestyle of its king and queen of the area and of the
people
Use synonyms
 who lived there. Not only
Correct article usage
the rulers
show examples
rulers
Change noun form
rulers'
ruler's
show examples
 story, but the
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 of their ancestors is
also
Linking Words
 associated with these buildings.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are emotionally attached to these structures.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 values are associated with the local
people
Use synonyms
, these constructions
also
Linking Words
 provide aid in generating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
revenue
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the local government
due to
Linking Words
 increased tourism
due to
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 grandeur
piece
Fix the agreement mistake
pieces
show examples
 of art.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of Agra city earn the most of its income from
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 who visit there to see the magnificent beauty of the Taj Mahal, a famous monument. To summarize,
although
Linking Words
 it is true that a lot of money is spent by the government to restore and preserve these buildings and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 maintenance, the return
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
also
Linking Words
 get in return is invaluable.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should understand the respect
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
 and start taking
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
 in making others aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the glorious stories associated with the
places
Use synonyms
. Our government should
also
Linking Words
 take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agile steps
in keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
 these
places
Use synonyms
 restored.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction could be more clearly articulated. Consider improving the clarity of your stance and rephrasing your main idea. It might help to state more explicitly what each side believes before revealing your own view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the transitions between your ideas. Phrases such as 'additionally' are good but using a wider variety of linking words can enhance coherence. Consider using phrases like 'moreover', 'furthermore', or 'in addition'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your examples are relevant, but ensuring they are woven into the argument more smoothly can improve the overall flow of the essay. Aim to make it clear how each example directly supports your claim rather than presenting them as separate points.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear viewpoint and provided relevant examples to support your argument.
Task Achievement
Your awareness of the emotional attachment that people have towards historical buildings is a strength in your essay, showcasing depth in your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Heritage conservation
  • Historical edifice
  • Cultural legacy
  • Architectural marvel
  • Preservationist
  • Urban landscape
  • Economic revitalization
  • Tourist hub
  • Adaptive reuse
  • Cultural fabric
  • Aesthetic appeal
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Civic identity
  • Preservation criteria
  • Structural integrity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: