in your opinion how can government of each country eradicate or lessen the crimes commited by their own people use specific reasons and details to support your answer

What strategies can each country’s government take to decrease or eliminate criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
committed by its population? There are numerous actions that authorities
receive
Verb problem
take
show examples
to reduce crimes. One of the efforts of
that is
that they have to enhance education in each town and country. Most illegal acts occur by adolescents
due to
a lack of knowledge. When people, especially children, have access to universities or schools and good quality education, they tend to engage in criminal activities.
For example
, when children study in schools that can not only offer outdoor activities
such
as football but
also
vocational training, they are less likely to attend to unlawful acts, and
this
reduces the appeal of illegal activities.
In addition
, governments in each country should reform the prison system that implements illegal
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Providing support for former inmates in finding employment and housing upon release can
also
help prevent them from returning to
crime
. Regarding any issues that can decrease the
crime
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
poverty, including unemployment or underemployment. Creating job opportunities or vocational training can help to reduce unemployment and offer alternatives to
crime
.
For instance
, South Africa
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
the highest rate of unemployment country in the world because of their economy.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
also
plays a crucial role in
crime
because many children nowadays
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
to their own cells and they watch anything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
it. To avoid
this
trend,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should put
limit
Add an article
a limit
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
reels and even games, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
brain system. In conclusion, governments must focus on eradicating poverty, improving education, and creating jobs to reduce the desperation and inequality that often lead to criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. By addressing these issues, governments can build a safer and more equitable society for all.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay discusses several strategies that governments can implement to reduce crime, but it's essential to further develop the points made. Enhance the argument for education by providing more concrete examples and evidence. Additionally, mention how reformed prison systems have succeeded in specific contexts to strengthen this point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the structure within the body paragraphs can be improved. Make sure each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that clearly indicates the main point. Also, make smoother transitions between ideas to improve readability.
relevance
Avoid generalizations and ambiguities. For example, your statement about South Africa being the highest unemployment country needs a source or more precise phrasing to be effective. Provide specific data or studies to back up your claims.
language
Proofread for grammatical mistakes and ensure proper sentence structure. For instance, the phrase 'authorities receive to reduce crimes' should be rephrased for clarity, and the use of 'cells' instead of 'cell phones' seems out of context. Minor mistakes can distract the reader from your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task response
You have made an effort to address different aspects of the problem, including education, poverty, and social media influence. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • law enforcement
  • recidivism
  • surveillance
  • crime-prone areas
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • mental health services
  • public awareness campaigns
  • deterrence
  • at-risk populations
  • stringent laws
  • quick response
  • crime prevention
  • data analytics
  • trust and cooperation
  • opportunities
  • education programs
  • employment programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: