IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

#people #loneliness #lack #fitness
It has been observed that a majority of old people nowadays experiencing desolation and are
also
 physically unfit. While the major reason behind
this
 problem is m
etamorphic change
Suggestion
a metamorphic change
the metamorphic change
in family structures, to solve
this
 people need to return back to old joint family living. It seems people in these days are more inclined towards nuclear families and
this
 perhaps resulting in parents and grandparents left isolated in villages. People, especially youngsters, prefer to live in metro cities owing to b
etter lifestyle
Suggestion
a better lifestyle
better lifestyles
and career opportunities by abandoning their elders in villages.
This
 can
also
 be attributed to expensive lifestyle of cities and apathetic attitude of children towards their parents, but
as a result
 of
this
 aged people are forced to live the life of misery and utter desolation. As far as their physical fitness is concerned, when they realise they are neglected by their own children and grandchildren, they get huge emotional and psychological set-back which results in lack of motivation to exercise.
Therefore
, in
such
 circumstances the most elderly people adopt sedentary lifestyle and fall prey to w
eak
Suggestion
weaker
health. In order to tackle
this
 predicament people should revert back to old ways of living in joint families. Unlike these days when elders are considered worthless and burden, in the p
ast they
Accept comma addition
past, they
were given the command of w
hole family
Suggestion
the whole family
so that they feel important and honoured.
Thus
, returning to old ways of living their vitality in family paradigm will i
ncrease which
Accept comma addition
increase, which
is essential to keep them motivated and lively. So in overall, I would say old people feel secluded and unhealthy mainly because of changing family structures,
h
owever
Accept comma addition
however, this
this
 can be addressed through adopting traditional joint living.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: