It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of each others. To what extent do you agree.

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Some
people
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argue that
people
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who visit foreign countries are more open to differences and they are able to understand others in a better way. I strongly agree with
this
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statement because of the reasons which will be discussed in
this
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essay. It is scientifically proven that
the
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apply
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interaction with
people
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of different
cultures
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can affect one’s personality to a great extent. When
people
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go to foreign countries, they have to face unfamiliar
situations
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. Living in
such
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unfamiliar
situations
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makes
people
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more adaptable to different circumstances.
Thus
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they will become more tolerant of change/difference.
This
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personality trait will help them to take more risks and accept changes in the future. As these kinds of
people
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are more exposed to different lifestyles, customs and food habits, they understand others better.
By contrast
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,
people
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who are not exposed to different
cultures
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will be more narrow-minded than
people
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who travel overseas frequently. It is difficult for them to adapt to unfamiliar
situations
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compared to
people
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who
travelled
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travel
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and
got
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are
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exposed to different
cultures
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.
This
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is evident among uneducated
people
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living in rural areas. They do not have much exposure to the outside world. They are very comfortable with their locality and they follow only
traditional
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the traditional
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way of life. It is very difficult for them to embrace change.
And
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Also
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also
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, it is difficult for them to understand and accept
people
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who follow a different lifestyle. In conclusion,
people
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who are exposed to different
cultures
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and practices are more open to different
situations
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. They are tolerant and venture into new avenues with an open mind and they understand
people
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better than
people
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who do not travel much.
Submitted by sevis24575 on

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task response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing how travel can enhance tolerance and understanding. To improve task response, ensure you directly answer all aspects of the prompt and provide a more balanced view by acknowledging potential counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a logical flow. To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure your examples are relevant and support your main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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