IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #country #government #laws #food #matter #choice #responsibility
Good
Health
 is a key of better future people are differ in their
opinion some
Accept comma addition
opinion, some
 people blame the
government
 for their
health
 and some do not take care about
them selves
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
, it shows up individually and to all,
health
 is very important
this
 essay will discuss both
point
Suggestion
points
 of view in following paragraph Today, people are very cautious with their
health
, they go to
gym
Suggestion
the gym
 and do so many
exercise but
Suggestion
exercises, but
exercises but
 after that they
are eat
Suggestion
are eating
have eaten
 fast-
food
 or etc.., in
this
 situation they are more responsible for their
health
 than
government
.
Government
 can't monitor the
lifestyle
 of people. They make
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of
laws but
Accept comma addition
laws, but
 people ignore it and do illegal things,
for example
 - in
gujarat
a region of western India to the north of Bombay (bordering the Arabian Sea) where Gujarati is spoken
Gujarat
,
Accept space
,
alcohol is prohibited but people use it as opposed to
government
. No matter how many laws are passed and how strictly
government
monitors
Suggestion
monitor
food
 quality, if people do not follow the healthy
lifestyle
, they will surely suffer from diseases. On the other side,
government
also
 a reason of unhealthy
lifestyle
, they should
bane
forbid the public distribution of(a movie or a newspaper)
ban
 on junk
food
, chemical
food
 etc..
Government
Suggestion
The government
 should make various laws against unhealthy foods, they encourage people with a lot of ways,
for example
, they make
short film
Suggestion
a short film
short films
, drama related to healthy
food
 habits, they
also
 involve it in school course. They inspect all the
food
 before provide. They should penalize people who consume alcoholic beverages
.
Accept space
.
 To sum up, i think that
government
 should ensure hygienic in
food
 products and people
also
 use healthy
lifestyle
, they both are very important for promoting the public
health

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: