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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important to give children to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea

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The major purpose of education for
children
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, especially
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at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age, is to help them discover and achieve their
potentials
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potential
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. As their
parents
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 and teachers, we should provide them
enough
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with enough
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 space for
children
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 to think and act freely. Personally, I
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
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this
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 idea above, but we should
also
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 know that too much freedom for them could lead to an adverse consequence.
To begin
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 with, some people support the idea that it is beneficial for the development of
children
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 to express their ideas independently at
early
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an early
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 age. Because it’s a good way for
children
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 to build their confidence and
also
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 to give
opportunities
Correct pronoun usage
them opportunities
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 to tackle problems by themselves.
Besides
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, the abilities of critical thinking and problem-solving independently could benefit
for
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apply
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their future study and
career
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careers
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.
In other words
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, it is necessary to
be succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
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 with these characters.
Therefore
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, expressing independently is essential for the development of
children
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.
On the other hand
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, young
children
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 cannot
well adapt
Verb problem
understand
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the
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apply
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social
norm
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norms
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 without
guidance
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the guidance
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 of
parents
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. Given the fact
children
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 have no idea about social regulation or courtesy, they tend to do what they want in
the
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apply
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public if their
parents
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 allow them.
For instance
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, some
children
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 like running, chasing, and screaming in the restaurant, which not only
disturb
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disturbs
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 other customers
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also
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but also
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could
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apply
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embarrass their
parents
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. So,
parents
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 should educate them the social regulation and restrict their behaviour in case
such
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 happens in their adulthood.
Thus
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, to some extent, it is necessary to limit
children
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’s behaviour to avoid them forming bad habits. In conclusion, we should realize that thinking independently is a merit for young
children
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, which might help
children
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 build confidence and acquire the ability of critical thinking. But we
also
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 need to
alert
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remember
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 that without
parents
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’
guidance
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guidance,
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children
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 could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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form bad habits.

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task achievement
Expand your ideas more thoroughly in each paragraph to strengthen your argument and provide clearer connections between your points.
coherence and cohesion
Using linking words and phrases more effectively can improve the flow of your essay and enhance coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that relate to your points, as this will help to illustrate your arguments more powerfully.
content
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of children acting independently, which adds depth to your argument.
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