IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and year after the refurbished. The chart show result of survays asking how they were satisfied with their visit during the same two period

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and year after the refurbished. The chart show result of survays asking how they were satisfied with their visit during the same two period
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #survays #visit #two #period
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 carried out on
visitors
Use synonyms
 by asking questions to them about
Use synonyms
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
, before and after renovation. The given chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the results of
survays
Correct your spelling
surveys
 that how much the
visitors
Use synonyms
 are satisfied. As we can see, only 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people were actually satisfied before
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of the
museum
Use synonyms
 compared to the
year
Use synonyms
 after, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 were convinced
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 restoring the
museum
Use synonyms
 about 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
 were convinced.
Visitors
Use synonyms
 were
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 disappointed
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before as
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after it was improved very well, only 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 were not satisfied after renovating than that it was about 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were not
satisfied
Add an article
the satisfied
a satisfied
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before.
Visitors
Use synonyms
 were offended before development, but it had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased after development, 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. Amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 who haven't
respond
Wrong verb form
responded
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, was constant, about 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 neither reply
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before
not
Correct your spelling
nor
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I can say that amount of dissatisfied, very dissatisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 have awesomely decreased in numbers. People are so much satisfied after
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of the
museum
Use synonyms
. Most importantly,
visitors
Use synonyms
 to
Correct article usage
the ashdown
show examples
ashdown
Change the capitalization
Ashdown
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased as
Use synonyms
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
 before it was 74,000 and
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after it has been enlarged to 92,000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, percent, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: