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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and year after the refurbished. The chart show result of survays asking how they were satisfied with their visit during the same two period

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and year after the refurbished. The chart show result of survays asking how they were satisfied with their visit during the same two period
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #survays #visit #two #period
We will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 carried out on
visitors
 by asking questions to them about
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
, before and after renovation. The given chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the results of
survays
Correct your spelling
surveys
 that how much the
visitors
 are satisfied. As we can see, only 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people were actually satisfied before
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of the
museum
 compared to the
year
 after, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 were convinced
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 restoring the
museum
 about 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
 were convinced.
Visitors
 were
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 disappointed
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before as
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after it was improved very well, only 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 were not satisfied after renovating than that it was about 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
 who were not
satisfied
Add an article
the satisfied
a satisfied
show examples
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before.
Visitors
 were offended before development, but it had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased after development, 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. Amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
 who haven't
respond
Wrong verb form
responded
show examples
,
however
, was constant, about 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
visitors
 neither reply
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before
not
Correct your spelling
nor
show examples
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after.
To conclude
, I can say that amount of dissatisfied, very dissatisfied
visitors
 have awesomely decreased in numbers. People are so much satisfied after
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of the
museum
. Most importantly,
visitors
 to
Correct article usage
the ashdown
show examples
ashdown
Change the capitalization
Ashdown
show examples
museum
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased as
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
 before it was 74,000 and
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 after it has been enlarged to 92,000.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, percent, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼

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