The table below shows the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and year after the refurbished. The chart show result of survays asking how they were satisfied with their visit during the same two period

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to ashdown museum during the year before and year after the refurbished. The chart show result of survays asking how they were satisfied with their visit during the same two period
We will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
carried out on
visitors
by asking questions to them about
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
, before and after renovation. The given chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
the results of
survays
Correct your spelling
surveys
that how much the
visitors
are satisfied. As we can see, only 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of people were actually satisfied before
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
of the
museum
compared to the
year
after, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
were convinced
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
before,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
restoring the
museum
about 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
were convinced.
Visitors
were
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
disappointed
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
before as
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
after it was improved very well, only 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
were not satisfied after renovating than that it was about 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
who were not
satisfied
Add an article
the satisfied
a satisfied
show examples
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
before.
Visitors
were offended before development, but it had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased after development, 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
respectively. Amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
who haven't
respond
Wrong verb form
responded
show examples
,
however
, was constant, about 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
visitors
neither reply
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
before
not
Correct your spelling
nor
show examples
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
after.
To conclude
, I can say that amount of dissatisfied, very dissatisfied
visitors
have awesomely decreased in numbers. People are so much satisfied after
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
of the
museum
. Most importantly,
visitors
to
Correct article usage
the ashdown
show examples
ashdown
Change the capitalization
Ashdown
show examples
museum
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
increased as
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
before it was 74,000 and
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
after it has been enlarged to 92,000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, percent, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: