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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.
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The pie charts illustrate how much percentages of the most common advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 among a survey of visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Bowen Island.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that the majority of common
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 is
High
Correct article usage
the High
show examples
 Cost of Living,
while
Linking Words
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 tends to be the people. Bowen Island High Cost of Living made​ up large proportions at exactly 50% of all the most common
disadvantages
Use synonyms
. Entertainment,
However
Linking Words
, accounts for a quarter of all common
disadvantages
Use synonyms
. In terms of food quality and weather, both have roughly similar being
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lower at 10% and 15%, respectively. Turning to the most common advantages, it was dominated by two features accounting for approximately 3/4, namely the people and the scenery.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people is 40%, the percentage of the scenery was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slight
Change the adjective
slightly
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 lower at 35%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, good accommodation and culture tend to be less satisfied, off wish the two features
also
Linking Words
 show similarities accounting for just
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11% and 2%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words disadvantages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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