IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many working people get little or no excercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #excercise #time #health #exercise
Work is very important in our lives.
having
Suggestion
Having
 healthy lifestyle and having
fit body
Suggestion
a fit body
 is
also
 important.
some
Suggestion
Some
 of the company today they give 8hrs per day not included the overtime and one day rest per week.
most
Suggestion
Most
 of the people today they don't have time to do
exercise
 which is important to our lives.
On the other hand
 people
now a days
in these times
nowadays
 experienced having health problems because of some reason's
first
 some working people they
gonto
to on
onto
joint
 work early in the morning and going home late at night so they
don't have
Suggestion
don't have to exercise
exercise
.
second some
Accept comma addition
Second, some
Second some
 that taking one day rest they focusing on household chores or they
going
Suggestion
are going
go
 out with
there
of them or themselves
their
 family.
and
Suggestion
And
last
 working in malls or other retail store during your
breaktime
Suggestion
break time
 you can't do
some
one or some or every or all without specification
any
exercise
 because they give only one hour break they choose to set or eat snacks. Most of the people nowadays they ignore the benefits or
important
Suggestion
the importance
importance
 of having little
exercise
 that's why the result was they having health problem.
the
Suggestion
The
 very best thing to do is to manage our time or do some
exercise
 like walking if your work is not so far from your house you can do walking.
but
Suggestion
But
, some people really hate doing
exercise
 so you can help yourself being fit by taking healthy food.
Submitted by aguirreliza07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: