IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

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It is argued that young people graduate from high school without the method for how to manage their personal
money
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management
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. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
problem
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 and various measures can be taken by the education and family to improve the situation.
Firstly
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, education institutes have the most powerful influence on children' development, but in nowadays, most of all schools do not learn young students how to personal
money
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management
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.
In addition
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, most students do not need to work to earn
money
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;
thus
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, school boards focus on science subject or social studies.
Second
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, many children rely on allowance from their parents;
therefore
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, they do not understand about the realities of earning and saving
money
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.
For instance
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, young children usually receive amounts of pocket-
money
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 from their parent without realizing that how to earn that
money
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;
this
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 will be a negative impact on children the way how to spend
money
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 in the future. The way to solve
this
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problem
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 is that education should equip their students with the knowledge and skills to manage their personal finances.
For example
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, schools need to give basic
money
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management
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 lessons as a compulsory subject for students. Another solution, parents play a vital role in teaching their children how to spend
money
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. To illustrate, parents give their children an amount of
money
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, when they travel;
therefore
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, young people have to manage their personal budget. Obviously,
this
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 solution helps young children to become more financially dependent, and they can avoid over spending
money
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.
Furthermore
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, young people are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life. In conclusion,
although
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 personal
money
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management
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 is a
problem
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 for a great deal of school leavers, there are
also
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 some the measures can solve
this
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problem
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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