Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

Many nations require obligatory military

service

for young

people

of both genders.

This

typically begins after the completion of school when young men and women are mature enough. Some

people

argue that

this

type of compulsory

service

should be adopted by all

countries

. Personally, I completely disagree with

this

statement. In

this

essay, I will explain why. In some

countries

, young

people

, both men and women, are forced to serve in the military.

However

, these governments do not provide these young individuals the opportunity to choose their own paths.

For example

, many Eastern

countries

recruit numerous young men and women, who

then

must learn how to shoot guns or drive military trucks in war zones.

Furthermore

, in 2024, forcing

people

to do something against their will is a violation of human rights. It is unfair that young

people

in some

countries

cannot choose their own futures.

For instance

, I believe, like many others, that young individuals should have the freedom to invest their time in building their futures. They should spend their time seeking job opportunities they truly desire,

such

as becoming doctors, teachers, or surf instructors. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of compulsory military

service

for all

countries

. War does not equate to freedom, and being a soldier is not synonymous with a safe job. There is no valid reason to advocate for the adoption of compulsory military

service

in other

countries

Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The second and third paragraphs discuss the same issue of choice and human rights but could be more distinct.

task achievement

Consider addressing counterarguments to show a well-rounded view. This will strengthen your essay by demonstrating consideration of multiple perspectives.

coherence cohesion

Use more varied sentence structures to show a higher level of language proficiency. This will enhance the overall readability and flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your argument.

task achievement

You provide relevant examples to substantiate your main points, making your argument more compelling.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task promptly and presents a clear, consistent opinion throughout.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

235 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Word Count

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those time than they are now.

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.