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Band 7

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
Many nations require obligatory military
service
 for young
people
 of both genders.
This
 typically begins after the completion of school when young men and women are mature enough. Some
people
 argue that
this
 type of compulsory
service
 should be adopted by all
countries
. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will explain why. In some
countries
, young
people
, both men and women, are forced to serve in the military.
However
, these governments do not provide these young individuals the opportunity to choose their own paths.
For example
, many Eastern
countries
 recruit numerous young men and women, who
then
 must learn how to shoot guns or drive military trucks in war zones.
Furthermore
, in 2024, forcing
people
 to do something against their will is a violation of human rights. It is unfair that young
people
 in some
countries
 cannot choose their own futures.
For instance
, I believe, like many others, that young individuals should have the freedom to invest their time in building their futures. They should spend their time seeking job opportunities they truly desire,
such
 as becoming doctors, teachers, or surf instructors. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of compulsory military
service
 for all
countries
. War does not equate to freedom, and being a soldier is not synonymous with a safe job. There is no valid reason to advocate for the adoption of compulsory military
service
 in other
countries
.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The second and third paragraphs discuss the same issue of choice and human rights but could be more distinct.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments to show a well-rounded view. This will strengthen your essay by demonstrating consideration of multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures to show a higher level of language proficiency. This will enhance the overall readability and flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to substantiate your main points, making your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task promptly and presents a clear, consistent opinion throughout.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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