Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do you think this is. How could this problem be solved?

#people #lifestyle

There is an issue about why many

people

take

unhealthy

Correct article usage

an unhealthy

show examples

way of

life

. In

this

essay, I will discuss

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

for

Correct pronoun usage

this

show examples

and suggest possible solutions. Let us start with the

reasons

why some

people

assume an unhealthy way of

life

. The first motive is that

people

are usually subjected to stress in many places. They develop unhealthy habits,

such

as smoking and drinking, because they often feel stressed by

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

hectic lifestyle. Another motive is that they cannot buy healthy

food

. Many

people

eat a great deal of unhealthy meals, including fast

food

and junk

food

, since they basically cannot afford organic

food

, which

contain

Correct subject-verb agreement

contains

show examples

vital

nutritious

Replace the word

nutrition

show examples

and

Change the verb form

does

show examples

not lead to obesity.

Furthermore

people

often have many unwanted friends. Many young

people

for instance

, develop a heavy addiction to drugs by making friends with criminals, so they put their health at risk

Change preposition

at in

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

early

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

However

, some social workers suggest the following actions to tackle these

reasons

Firstly

people

should do exercise. Stressed

people

should do the workout to relax from a stressful day at work

instead

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if they want to have a more sensible

life

Secondly

, they should buy crops from gardeners.

People

, who cannot afford costly groceries, should address

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

owning farms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they can purchase the same crops, but at much lower prices than in the overpriced market.

Moreover

, youngsters should stop seeing unwelcome acquaintances. To protect their children from the usage of drugs, their parents should explain

them

Change preposition

to them

show examples

what are the consequences of

this

detrimental addiction

as well as

convince them to leave these unwanted fellows. In conclusion, even though there is a set of

reasons

for developing

unhealthy

Correct article usage

an unhealthy

show examples

style of

life

, I think that it is possible to deal with them by assuming the

above mentioned

Add a hyphen

above-mentioned

show examples

measures.

Tue Feb 11 2020

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task response

Work on addressing the prompt more directly by providing a clearer explanation of the reasons for adopting an unhealthy lifestyle and suggesting more detailed solutions.

coherence and cohesion

Improve the logical structure and organization of the essay by using clearer transitions between ideas and ensuring that the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express ideas. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity and depth in your expression.

grammatical range

Develop a broader and more nuanced range of grammatical structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the use of complex sentences to enhance coherence and sophistication.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do you think this is. How could this problem be solved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government have the responsibility to change the situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

plastic products should be recycled? do you agree or disagree?