IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #work #life #pity #values #materialism
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At present, people are becoming too materialistic and working hard so that they can afford more amenities.
This
Linking Words
 is making our lives easier
howeversimultaneously
Suggestion
however simultaneously
 a lot of precious ancestral values are becoming a casualty of it. I strongly agree with the notion that, commodity fetishism is the main reason why we have lost a good number of ancestral norms. There are scores of reasons behind
this
Linking Words
;
firstly
Linking Words
, excessive obsession for materials could derail a person from cultural ethics and values. When a person becomes seduced by materialism, he or she tries to possess it by hook or by crook and does not hesitate to adopt the unethical modes for it.
This
Linking Words
 is the
first
Linking Words
 blow to our hereditary values of which morality comprises the most durable part.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the person who is obsessed with belongings often prioritizes it over domestic life. As an indispensable consequence, it creates cracks and fissures in their family life. Any bad impact on the domestic life adversely affects the social structure as well as the culture.
However
Linking Words
, the case is not exactly same for all the people who work hard as well as buy things to make their lives easeful. There are ample of examples of successful people who have established a sound balance among all aspects of their lives.
Thus
Linking Words
, they have created their own way of fostering the ancestral values as well as responding to the crying needs of the materialistic world.
Finally
Linking Words
, I pen down recapitulating that extreme quest for materials creates imbalances in our moral & social lives and
thus
Linking Words
 brings ruin to our conventional values and principles.
Submitted by emonh199957 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: