In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that nowadays many corporations and organisations preserve personal information for their employees by using
computers
.
While
it is a commonly held belief that many benefits are achieved
as a result
of
following
this
way to keep
data
, there is
also
an argument that some drawbacks may happen.
This
essay will analyse
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
with,
computers
play a pivotal role in various fields
due to
the tremendous advancements of technology in
this
era, so companies are using them for crucial missions.
In other words
, when organisations use them as tools to store personal information about their staff, a high level of security and privacy is accomplished because nobody can access or steal the protected
data
.
In addition
, the companies can save much money, as there is no need to make a specific paper file for each employee, which will reduce the expenditure of the corporation to buy paper.
For example
, most governmental organisations in developed countries activate using of
computers
to avoid purchasing paper.
On the other hand
, some negative impacts may occur. It is
also
possible to say that if the
computers
are not well protected by excellent security programs, they may be hacked easily by hackers, and the information privacy will be lost.
Moreover
, if these electronic instruments are broken or exposed to fire, it will be more difficult to get back all the
data
.
For instance
, some hackers access the computer system of a certain bank in South Africa and use the
data
of some customers. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I believe that so many positive impacts are gained after using
computers
for saving
data
, and the disadvantages are minor and can be tackled.
Submitted by sm710129 on

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Task Achievement
To further improve your task response, focus on offering more detailed development of your ideas throughout the essay. You could provide deeper insights into how specific advantages and disadvantages impact companies or individuals, potentially adding more varied examples to enforce your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider varying your connectives and transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. Also, ensure paragraphs are clearly defined and each begins with a topic sentence that signals the main idea you will discuss.

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